Stories of women whose husbands left them. Stories of three successful women who survived divorce. Maria Ukradyzhenko, investment projects manager

I read a lot of stories on Bebika in which girls are abandoned with their children, go to their mistresses, marry new passions, and do not pay child support to their children. How girls try to fight for their family, cling to their husbands, loved ones, without whom they think life has no meaning. I want to write my personal experience which I experienced myself and am still experiencing, but already at the finish line to a happy and joyful life. Maybe it will help someone and give them the opportunity to look at their circumstances from a different perspective. And understand that her story is not unique and you need to worthily go through the trials that came into your life, understand why this vital lesson was sent to you and get out, and not crawl out of the situation. Not with the feeling of a victim or a beaten dog, but strong spirit, a woman responsible for her life. Who worked on herself and her life, was able to survive this difficult stage, and learned valuable lessons from it. I learned to be a happy and self-sufficient person. She walks through life boldly and is not afraid to face difficulties.

A year ago, my husband left me and my son and went to his mistress, 7 years younger than himself, who at that moment was at the stage of breaking up with her husband and had a daughter from her marriage, they all worked together at the same enterprise. She knew that he I’m not free, but she wasn’t stopped either by the fact that I don’t work and I can’t support myself and the only breadwinner in the family is my husband, nor by the fact that our son is very small and in general the child needs his own dad (this is especially important for a boy). It’s not like there is a spiritual law that breaking up someone else’s family is a great sin. Even people far from faith know about this. However, she systematically crawled into our lives, naturally, at first I had no idea how every mother with a baby was completely absorbed in the baby while madame was purposefully and masterfully treating my husband. By 5 months of our son’s life, I began to notice changes happening with my husband, this was coldness, aloofness, when he came home he tried to spend as little time as possible with us, he began to spend more time at the computer and then quickly went to bed, he began to avoid intimacy, did not part I went out onto the balcony with my phone and talked to someone. I tried to clarify the situation, talk to him heart to heart, he didn’t make contact, the conversations led to nothing. I checked the phone and email when he was sleeping, everything was clean there, as I later realized (it was well encrypted and deleted everything). I chalked it all up to a difficult time, to the fact that he was tired at work and didn’t want to bother me, since after giving birth I had a prolonged depression, I was very nervous, I thought that this was why he was moving away. So as not to quarrel with me once again, seeing my nervous state. Everything opened in the summer! We went to my parents, after 2 weeks he stopped calling me, and after another week he stopped answering the phone, when I got through to him we had a fight over this and he suddenly said let’s get a divorce, I endured it for too long, I was in shock. And at this time he had fun with his mistress and friends, went with her and his friends to clubs and karaoke. I brought her into our house into our bed, our neighbors found her drunk, the door to the apartment was wide open, she was lying on our bed, asleep, and everywhere there were open bottles and glasses. During my departure, our apartment turned into a hangout, loud music was playing, left-wing men and girls were constantly hanging around, parties. Some child was crying all the time, then, as it turned out, the mistress was dragging her little daughter with her everywhere (how I feel sorry for the baby, she was unlucky with her mother). My brother called him and confronted him with the fact that he was putting us on the train and he could take a day off from work and look for an opportunity to meet us as he wanted. He came for us drunk, cold, without wedding ring, a complete stranger, with a wolfish look. Seeing him like this, I realized that something very terrible had happened, at that time I didn’t know all the details of the situation that I wrote to you about above. From this day my personal HELL began! It would take a long time to describe my whole story, the terrible suffering and humiliation that my ex-husband and his mistress forced me through. I’ll write briefly the whole time I saw him, he was drunk, didn’t spend the night at home, sometimes came to take something from his things, lied to his face, dodged, was indifferent to his son, was ready to give up on him, he didn’t refuse only for the reason that he found out that he would have to I don’t care to pay alimony, in court I cynically bargained over alimony and wanted to pin all my debts on me. I was terribly guilty for myself, I didn’t love myself, I didn’t care enough, I was cold, paid little attention to him, was absorbed in my son, etc. I don’t remember the divorce and the first half a year after he left our life, I was in a state of complete inadequacy all the time. I cried, I couldn’t really take care of the house or the child. One day I realized that if I continue like this, I will slowly kill myself, and at the same time I will undermine the psyche of my little son, who at that moment really needed me and I did not pay him enough attention at all. The prospect of going crazy sobered me up somewhat. And I started working on myself; the first point in my recovery was to find a good, adequate psychologist, which I did. The psychologist turned out to be a believer and very tactful; later she became my close friend. We met with her every week. I told her how I lived during this time, how I worked on myself, she gave me homework that I completed. We talked a lot about my internal state about those moments that should be given the most time, in my case it was resentment and guilt.

The second thing that helped me survive the collapse of our family was prayer. As a believer, I prayed every day for myself, for my son, for my ex-husband. She asked me to give me strength to survive, to endure this acute moment.

The third point was not to find out anything about my ex-husband and his life without us under any pretext. I asked our mutual acquaintances and my girlfriends not to tell anything about him and his passion in my presence. I didn’t rummage through social networks, didn’t go to their pages, because I’m not a masochist, I had another goal to forget him, and this is an obligatory point on the path to recovery. Block all channels through which information about a person can reach.

I also had a swing, this is a state when you begin to remember all the cool, sweet moments of life together, kisses, hugs, intimacy, good days, walks, words, etc. The movement of such thoughts must be cut at the root, endured, and through an effort of will switch to other activities. Easy to say, hard to do. But this needs to be done, first of all, for you! Because you can stay in this state for a very long time. And there are no positive prospects in this! Only we ourselves can pull ourselves out of this swamp, longing for bygone days and self-pity.

Still very important point it’s being constantly busy, you can live in short bursts, not planning your life 5 years in advance, but writing down your daily tasks on a piece of paper, what you will do tomorrow. What are your plans, it’s also very good to help others, it significantly eases your own pain (tested on yourself), you can help in a shelter for homeless animals, there is always a shortage of volunteers, elderly, lonely, sick people, in your city there are a lot of people who much worse than you and your problems are not as terrible as they might seem at first glance. You can come up with something for a holiday in kindergarten, at your child’s school, do creative work with children, feed pigeons, make feeders, paint or fix something at the dacha, in the village if you have them, help one of your relatives in their affairs . Those who have a car can provide all possible assistance to churches, rehabilitation centers, animal shelters; they are often looking for people who could help with transportation; volunteers are needed in orphanages; you can donate blood; it is constantly needed and is never superfluous. The main thing is not to get sour in the swamp. self-pity and thoughts about bygone times.

I want to write a little about alimony. Dear ladies, don’t wait for good weather by the sea, don’t indulge yourself with illusions that your loved one will come to his senses and come back and support you and your child. Apply for alimony. Believe me, if a father loves his children, he will support and take care of their well-being even after leaving the family. As practice shows, this is a fairly rare occurrence when the father is voluntarily makes contributions for the child left in the care of the mother, there is no need to pretend to be Mother Teresa and delay filing a claim for alimony.

I also looked for help on the Internet with my questions and came across two very interesting resources, one of them was a practical forum on surviving crisis situations in the family, it really helped me understand myself and my condition, after reading the site and its stories, I was extremely surprised how many difficult things there were situations, what recommendations are given to overcome internal experiences, the algorithm of actions in the event of betrayal or the departure of the other half is described in detail. What was most striking was how many men there were who were abandoned by their wives, but these men are not scoundrels or alcoholics. Good family men, decent husbands and loving fathers. I liked the theme of the author Lucinano, I just couldn’t pass it by, he described everything specifically and with examples from his life, he really wrote for men, but it’s suitable for women too.

I read men’s topics on the forum, they are all very similar, I want to help everyone, but I don’t have enough time to write in detail in each topic. So I decided to create general theme and write your thoughts here. I hope this will be useful to someone. I took some ideas from my earlier posts.

First of all, I want to note the following things:
1. Please treat this topic not as a guide to action, but as a call for reflection. Although everyone’s situations are similar, they are still somewhat different, and my recommendations need to be applied to the current situation accordingly.
2. I ask you not to be offended by wonderful women because I am addressing men in this topic. I do this not because I want to somehow infringe on our ladies, but simply because I advise from the position of my own experience, and it’s hard for me to imagine how I would behave in a woman’s place. But if my message is useful to our lovely women, then I will be only happy.
3. Unfortunately, I cannot give recommendations on what and how to do if you and your wife decide to start a family again, since my wife and I eventually decided to separate, and I did not allow the reunion...
So, you found out that your wife is cheating on you, doesn’t love you, wants to leave, has already left, or something similar happened. You are devastated, depressed, angry, you don’t understand anything (the range of feelings can be wide)...

I was once in your shoes. This situation also happened to me for the first time, and I also didn’t know how to act correctly. Now I know much more than then, and I would behave completely differently. However, I figured out many things on my own intuitively, but I also made a lot of mistakes. Below are points and advice that I have learned from my own experience.

1. Life doesn’t end there. Every person has a desire for personal happiness. Imagine that happiness is on a high hill, and you are at the foot of this hill. There are many paths you can take up the hill; you don’t need to get stuck on the path you took the previous part of your life. Believe me, she is not the only one, and the path to happiness does not end with divorce. Even something as sad as divorce can be seen as the first page of a new chapter in your life. Remember that you always have a choice of paths to happiness; the choice makes your behavior free and relaxed, your life more interesting and exciting.

2. Often our problem is that we put another person above our desires and aspirations, subordinate our lives to him, make an idol out of him. Remember that the most important thing for a person is harmony, external and internal, and the main purpose of a man is to express himself in the world external to the family - creativity, profession, mining that same mammoth, knowledge of the world, knowledge of God. A man must have a BUSINESS to which he needs to devote himself selflessly, and in due time a woman appears next to him, supporting and helping him, a companion and keeper of the hearth. There is no need to make her a goddess, put her on a pedestal and the like. You need to continue your path with God and with gratitude to him for everything. This position makes you self-confident, strong, interesting, no woman will want to leave you like that. You are big, strong, confident, kind.

3. The woman leaves. There is no need to “fight” for it. The traditional question from a sober observer in such a situation: who are you going to fight with? With your wife? With lover? If you fight with anyone, then only with yourself, and not for her, but for yourself. There is no need to rush to save everything, shower them with flowers, gifts and confessions, or constantly have intimate conversations. Such actions are late, demonstrate your weakness, and first evoke pity in a woman, and then irritation, but do not resurrect love. At such moments, wounded male pride and humiliated pride scream within us; we cannot follow these feelings.

4. It’s still worth talking once. You must prepare for the conversation, collect yourself, be as calm and confident as possible. Explain to your wife that her behavior/decision hurts and hurts you. That you may have made mistakes in life, but that did not give her the right to cheat on you. That you do not intend to tolerate her betrayal. That you give her a choice - either stop all communication with her lover, build a family anew with you and God, or go on a solo voyage as a free woman. You must honestly warn her about the most likely scenario in her life, namely, that according to statistics, only 30% of women who leave for another man marry him, and only half of them are happy in this new marriage, i.e. her chances of success are 15%. If her chosen one is married himself, then divide by another 3 (5%). The most likely scenario is that the passion will pass, her lover will spoil her and leave her, all the delights of dividing property with you await her, the hearts of the children will be broken for life, the shame and bitterness from the thought that she herself destroyed the family will remain with her forever. You are offering her a reliable family, you are ready to rebuild a family building and a different life together with her. Prepare your speech in advance and deliver it only once, then only answer her questions. If your wife is thinking, give her the opportunity to make a decision, don’t bother or jerk her, take care of yourself for now (more on this below). Tell her you're giving her time to make a decision. Let's take no more than a week, two at most. If your wife refuses, is determined to have a different life, or continues to behave inappropriately after the expiration of the term, completely distance yourself from her and prepare for a divorce (alas). This will be what is called a “magic kick” on the forum.

5. Among other things, behind the fear of losing your wife lies self-doubt, thoughts “who needs me”, “how will I be alone now”, the habit of comfort and the like. Now you have been taken out of your comfort zone, and just accept that your life will never be the same as before. And believe me, not everything is as bad as it seems in these dark days.

6. Don’t whine, don’t beg, don’t beg, don’t bother, don’t humiliate yourself, don’t go into alcohol. Women don't like weak people.

7. Do not show aggression, do not insult, do not humiliate yourself. It won't give you any points, but it will cause burning shame later. Don’t do anything now that you won’t respect yourself for. If you want to do something that you are not sure is worthy of, just try to look from the outside and imagine that it is not you, but another man in another family who wants to do the said act, and mentally give him an assessment.

8. Self-esteem is exactly what you need. Write down on paper your positive qualities for which other people, other women, and yourself value you. You will see that not everything is so bad, there is something to appreciate you for. Carry this piece of paper with you (I keep it on my phone), and read it in difficult times. It really helps, it's been tested.

9. Analyze your mistakes in marriage, sort them out, remember them and draw conclusions. There is no need to beat yourself up. Remember, your mistakes are not a reason to cheat on you, but you need to accept them as experience so as not to repeat them in the future.

10. Take care of yourself, your personal growth. Fill your life with new activities and concerns aimed at your growth, for example:

Perhaps you have always wanted to learn something, improve your skills, improve your English - now is the time. Immerse yourself in the learning process
- sport. set goals in sports (lose weight, improve your figure, stop suffering from shortness of breath when running, and just accustom yourself to regular training). I highly recommend taking up boxing, it clears your head, improves self-esteem, and improves physical fitness.
- daily exercise
- read and/or listen to more audiobooks on work, on personal development, on the topic “how to achieve success,” etc.
- fight with bad habits and activities (drinking, computer games, TV, etc.). Forget television programs altogether, watch movies (both fiction and educational)
- pay attention to work, what career opportunities are available at your workplace? Maybe it makes sense to become more active, get involved in new projects, pull the blanket on yourself?
- find a new hobby or remember an old one. when a person is passionate about something, there is no time to engage in harmful soul-searching
- learn to type using the 10-finger method if you don’t know how
- remember what you dreamed of in your youth, it’s probably not too late to realize some dreams

Put this in your phone as a list and look there periodically to stimulate yourself.

11. Pray for your wife (even after divorce), for your children, for yourself. Ask God to forgive your wife’s sins, your sins, have mercy on you sinners and help your children. Daily prayer helped me a lot and eased my soul. Order magpies, reading the psalter in a monastery or temple. Read the Gospel.

12. Read psychological literature, especially aspects related to the fight against negative emotions (guilt, resentment, anger, etc.)

13. Will want to fill the void with another woman. Avoid this. You may actually feel better, but then you will be ashamed that you used the person as a band-aid. Do not start a new relationship before six months (preferably a year or two). The time will come and you will be able to fill your heart with a new feeling, verified.

14. Don't be afraid for your children. This is the most painful topic, I know and understand it very well. Believe me, the child's psyche is very flexible. Try to give your children more attention and care, come up with things to do together, call and write to them more often, take them with you, take them to interesting places, take them on vacation, etc... Be their father, no matter what happens, you didn’t start this mess, so don't eat yourself. Of course, nothing can replace a complete family for children, but believe me, living in a lie or in a family where mom doesn’t love dad is even worse. Be a strong, cheerful, caring father, the kind that your children will be proud of, and not a weak, whining, downtrodden, love-worn creature that your children will not respect. They are now watching and absorbing the right and wrong patterns of behavior in family life. You don’t want your daughter to repeat the mistakes of her mother, and your son to become an insecure loser and henpecked?

15. Sometimes pain, thoughts about the past, difficult feelings, sweet memories will come. This is a swing. You need to be patient and switch to another activity or prayer at these moments. You yearn for that woman who is no longer there, your wife is now completely different, and the old times will not return (you cannot step into a river twice, only into a puddle). Over time, the amplitude of the swing will decrease, the duration of calm, light periods will increase.

16. Don’t try to come up with quick and simple solutions on the topic “how to get everything back”, some magic phrases, actions and manipulations. Even if you can use skillful manipulation to return the body (not the soul) of a woman to yourself, the effect will be short-lived and joyless. Get ready for a long job. Relationships between people can change, but this takes months or even years. I myself went through the desire to run somewhere, save and do it, otherwise I would be “late.” It's a delusion.

It’s incredibly difficult to start doing all this, but you need to force yourself through “I can’t - I don’t want”, you’ll get involved gradually. I am proof of that.
After some time, you will understand that not everything revolves around your relationship and experiences with your wife, you will discover new world for yourself, self-esteem and a sense of inner dignity will grow beyond recognition. You will feel like a man, and all decisions will come by themselves. You will be the master of the situation.

I want to warn you against a serious mistake. Don't do everything described above to get your wife back. Do it ONLY for yourself, to change your life, to find your own new path to happiness.
By the way, if you do everything as written above, there is a very high probability that one day your wife (or by that time your ex-wife) will want to return everything. Then you will decide what to do. Perhaps your paths will converge again, who knows... To me, when I got involved in new life, the ex-wife was no longer needed, since the dependence on her disappeared. Although at first I simply dreamed about this “return” of hers, about the words that she subsequently said to me, etc.

Good luck to you! I wish to find myself, my own personality and destiny. Hang in there, guys. There is life after betrayal and divorce. Verified.

The second resource is the help of professional psychologists, it is free. You can write your situation there, they will help you find a solution to the problem and point you in the right direction https://www.b17.ru/

In the end, I would like to write about myself and how my life turned out a year after our breakup.

I worked on myself all year, at first it was difficult, I cried constantly, there were swings, it seemed that this terrible state would never end. I constantly fought and kept myself occupied, played with the child even through force, walked with him, prayed a lot, at first I actually “registered” in the church, went to all the morning services, it became easier. I talked with a psychologist and did all the exercises she advised me. I found a job at home, sent the child to a commercial kindergarten for half a day so that the baby could develop and I could work at home at this time and take a break from the child since we are together all the time. I found a lot of interesting activities: finger painting with my child, walks in the evenings, a swimming pool in the morning 2 times a week. I found something that brings me pleasure, you can find something to suit your interests. Now, looking back, I understand that I have become wiser, more far-sighted, calmer, after BM left, many problems disappeared by themselves, including in everyday life. My son and I have become very close, I feel his love and affection, he always jumps into my arms and puts his head on my shoulder when I come to pick him up. kindergarten, as if we were 100 years apart. I gained spiritual experience, understood my mistakes and accepted them, stopped blaming myself, we are not saints and we all tend to make mistakes, but this is not a reason for us to cheat and betray. I feel sorry for BM because it is not very easy to carry such a heavy burden through life with the stigma of a traitor and traitor. And you can show off in front of others as much as you like, you won’t fool yourself. I think about him extremely rarely and without pain. We still don’t communicate and I am very grateful to him for the fact that he has the conscience not to appear in our lives, after all that he has done. And an old friend is also looking after me. A decent guy, he doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, he’s a children’s doctor, I don’t allow our relationship with him to go any further at the level of communication, but he doesn’t insist and I respect him very much for that.

I want to wish you all true feminine happiness, love that is not hypocritical, God help you all who are going through a difficult crisis path family relations!!! With warmth and sincerity to you!!!

P.S Comments expressing aggression, insults and other non-constructive and negative comments will be deleted.

An abandoned wife took revenge on her husband, who left for another woman. No, no, she didn’t hire a hitman to kill the offender, didn’t send damage to her departed hubby with the help of a witch. She took revenge in a different way - she became so beautiful and attractive that she had a lot of fans. And when her ex-husband wanted to return to her, she rejected him and married a guy much younger than herself.

Husband leaves for someone else

This story was told to me by a colleague, a doctor, with whom Katya was treated. Katya (the woman's name has been changed at her request), a biologist by training, got married when she was 25 years old and gave birth to a son. We lived well. The husband, let's call him Evgeniy, was engaged in business and earned good money. Ten years have passed. It seemed that everything would continue to be fine. But suddenly everything changed in the most sad way. The husband began to often come home late, explaining that he had a lot of work. Katya felt that her and Evgeniy’s family life had gone downhill, that her husband was having an affair on the side. But to save the family, she pretended not to notice anything. However, one fine day he announced that he loved someone else. In short, the usual story. He left for someone else, ten years younger than him.

The first time after the divorce, Katya was terribly worried. She stopped taking care of herself and looked much older than her thirty-five. Once she met her neighbor, psychotherapist Alexandra Petrovna, at the entrance and told her about what happened.

Don't make a tragedy out of divorce

“Listen, why do you look so terrible,” the doctor told her. - How old are you? Just thirty-five. With current life expectancy, you still have at least fifty to live. You have your whole life ahead of you. What terrible tragedy happened? Divorce? So now, in my opinion, every second marriage ends in divorce. Has Zhenya gone to someone else? Well, he left and left, to hell with him. It remains to be seen who lost more. Find yourself another guy, better. Just take care of yourself properly. Become even more beautiful than you were.

In a word, Alexandra Petrovna took Katya seriously. She had to tinker a lot to get the young woman out of depression. And here's what's interesting. Katya was helped by simple, at first glance, but very smart advice in essence. For example, this type: you need to laugh more often, loudly and for a long time. Or: you are the only person who will be with you all your life, so you need to take care of yourself as if you were the person you love most. And a few more secrets eternal youth, borrowed from an old French magazine.

The secrets are also very simple: eat little, eat fish more often, drink more water, play sports, walk as much as possible, breathe fresh air, sleep enough, save thin waist, have a baby at 40, travel, love life, don’t drink alcohol, don’t smoke, don’t sit for hours watching TV, don’t indulge in dark thoughts, don’t sulk at others, don’t dress gloomily, don’t wear super high heels, don’t lose your sense of humor, don’t be afraid of new things.

Follow, Alexandra Petrovna convinced Katya, these simple tips. No special diets required, no special expenses required. And don’t waste time on caring for your skin, hair, and breasts. If you don’t have enough money for expensive cosmetics, use everything you have on hand in the kitchen - sour cream, cucumbers, fruits.

Katya is turning into a pretty woman

Katya realized that for the sake of her own future, she needed to take a firm grip on herself. She took care of her appearance all her free time, although her schoolboy son required more and more care. True, I didn’t think about a second marriage. She was valued at work, she could feel independent, and her ex-husband, to his credit, helped financially.

Several years have passed. Katya was able to regain the beauty lost as a result of her experiences, she became younger and fresher. At work, in the area where she lived, everywhere she appeared, the male society became agitated. A handsome young guy, fresh out of college, came to work in the laboratory where Katya was the head. Let's call him Yura. He began to show Katya signs of attention, giving her a ride home after work. Then he brought tickets to the performance. She agreed to go, although doubts gnawed at her. They began to be seen together more and more often. He began to stay with her. The neighbors in the house began to whisper, saying that she had contacted the boy. And only Alexandra Petrovna, when meeting with her now former patient, showed thumb. The romance was getting serious.

Katya is marrying a young guy

One fine day Yura proposed to her. She thought for a long time whether to agree or not. Still, fifteen years difference. She felt it necessary to remind him of this.

“So what, since I love you,” he replied.
- What will your parents say?
- They probably won't be happy. But that's my business.

And then Evgeniy suddenly appeared. They met by chance in a big store. Seeing very beautiful woman, he came closer and couldn’t believe his eyes. It was his ex-wife. That same evening, under the pretext that he wanted to see his son, he arrived at the old apartment. Katya was extremely polite and correct. And Evgeny was going crazy. What an idiot he was for leaving such a woman.

Why not return everything? The passport is free. He is in a civil marriage with the woman he left Katya for. He told Katya that he had made a terrible mistake and wanted to correct it, and in general, old love would not rust. Her heart trembled. After all, she used to love Evgeniy, and she is also her son’s own father. But she remembered her own person, of which she was now proud and which he had recently neglected. She remembered how he left her. And she told Evgeniy that she was going to marry someone else...

They played a wedding. Yura's parents were not there. But the newlyweds were not particularly worried. They decided to live their lives without paying attention to prejudice. Today it's strong good family. When their daughter was born, Yura’s parents came to congratulate her on their granddaughter. Katya was very nice to them and did not remember any insults.

Here's the story. What does it indicate? If people love a friend, then age is by no means a hindrance. So, dear women who are under forty: if you have separated or have not yet found your happiness, this does not mean at all that everything is over. Everything is still ahead. The main thing is to take care of yourself so that you still look beautiful and attractive at forty. There will always be men.

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Comments

Valentina M. writes | 01/30/2008 04:21

The story described by Clara well reflects the realities of our time. Of course, I mean first of all the realities that have developed in the countries of European civilization. The equality that women were able to achieve gave them the opportunity to receive a good education, have a career, have truly free choice when getting married. A healthy image life, advances in health care make it possible to give birth normally even at a fairly mature age. Men, at least those who have a head on their shoulders, understand this. And this trend is likely to gain momentum. So, dear women, study, make a career. And keep it beautiful.
Valentina M. Australia

Elena writes | 02.02.2008 09:42

That's it Katya! Well done!

I can’t agree that this is revenge :-) So, if my husband hadn’t left me, I wouldn’t have had to take care of myself? So I finished the game.

Inna writes | 02/06/2008 11:55

I don't agree with Anna. She took revenge on him for leaving. This is exactly revenge.

Olga Moscow writes | 02/19/2008 03:56

It’s better to leave only the first part, “So that they learn to value themselves...” To value yourself, but not to confuse it with pride :-)

Galina from Odessa writes | 02/20/2008 04:09

The fact that she managed to become attractive is simply remarkable. But why did you have to get married a second time and put the collar on yourself again? Well, take the young man as your lover and that’s it.

Anastasia writes | 20.02.2008 13:45

I agree with Galina. This young man will sooner or later start running to the left like all of them.

This is a tale for complacency. The peers of 40-year-old women look at those under 30. They go to them like proud goats.

Anna Yurievna writes | 27.10.2010 09:00 | e-mail

Hello! I want to say that I am half close to the result))) Everything that is written is true.
Yes, she is 10 years younger than me, but I am ten years more beautiful than her. And everyone will understand this in their own way. AND
no one will force you to make efforts on yourself, only you yourself. If you want, go ahead. But
I once drowned my grief in wine and it seemed to me the only way out of this situation. A
now I can tell my dear ex-husband thank you very much for what he gave me
an opportunity to finally love yourself. And with happiness I’m ready to shout about it to everyone.

Stories from people who have experienced divorce and breakup Serious relationships. Please tell us how you survived such a difficult test and give practical advice to those who are just now experiencing the consequences of unhappy love.

If you also have something to tell about this topic, you can absolutely free right now, and also support other authors who find themselves in similar difficult life situations with your advice.

It all started very beautifully, like in a movie. A few years ago, I broke up with my beloved guy, managed to get married in the heat of the moment, get divorced and forget about my personal life. At the same time, I continued to communicate and maintain contact with my ex-boyfriend’s friends.

One day, his best friend invited me to a meeting. Of course, suspecting nothing, I came to chat with a friend, especially since he appeared very rarely, he moved to live in Moscow. And in the process of our dialogue it turned out that he liked me all the time, saying that I was so correct, strong, beautiful. Well, to be honest, I melted and agreed to meet with him. A couple of days have passed since he flew to Moscow. A few months later he invited me to his place on vacation to show me where and how he lived (he rented a room). I, deep down in my soul, still dreaming of a family and talked to him about the fact that a long-distance relationship is impossible, and I can move in with him. Which is what was done.

It just so happens that I am a child from my first marriage. I was 3 years old when my parents divorced. I often see my father, we have a good relationship. Mom constantly changes jobs and earns little, barely enough for food and loans. New clothes are very rare.

I am 14 years old, I love my parents, but I understand that I need to achieve more in the future. I need tutors, but I don’t have money for them. The elements that come from the father go towards loans.

I quarreled with my male friend. We've known each other for ages. Both are adults. The children have grown up. Free. And I waited for him for a very, very long time. He is very near and dear to me, but the relationship is not working out. Maybe it's just me. Perhaps he has problems, since about a year ago he divorced his wife and, in my opinion, this made him tougher or something. Sometimes it seems to me that he is acting out some of his past problems on me. There is only his truth, only his opinion and it is the only true one. He is afraid to trust, he is not completely sincere. Touchy. The relationship is unstable. Here we were lovers, here we are just friends, then again lovers. Now we're friends again. But friendship is somehow not the same: we don’t go fishing like before, we don’t ride bicycles, we don’t watch movies together. If we meet, it’s at his house and my role is to wash, iron, cook something and leave. I don't understand what kind of relationship this is.

Seven years ago I met a young man. We started dating and lived together quite quickly. About a year later I became pregnant. When he found out, he talked about marriage and family. But then all the talk faded away. I myself did not raise this topic. She considered it above her dignity. Later, years later, I realized that the reason was his mother’s categorical attitude. She couldn’t handle the fact that he put me on the same level as her and said that he loved us both equally. Looking over these words now, I understand that even then they expressed dissatisfaction with me. But flattery in the eyes. Cause? I was already married (no children from my first marriage) and 4 years older than my current husband.

At 20 weeks of pregnancy I was put on preservation. I lay there for 2 weeks, during which he came only twice. We had a fight because while I was in the hospital, he was having fun at the club. On the eve of discharge, I was diagnosed with a pregnancy complication, and urgent surgery was required. Chance of saving 50/50. He decided to find out how the operation went 5 days later. By SMS. Thank God that everything went well. In total, I was in bed for a month and a half. During this time we never made peace. My father picked me up from the hospital.

I'm just writing this because I need to vent to someone. I'm not looking for pity or sympathy.

I'm 26 and my father is trying to kick me out of our apartment. And all because I violate his personal space. We live in a 3-room apartment - my parents, my younger brother, who is in school, me and my six-year-old son. Of course, there is not enough space for everyone, but my parents also grew up in large families. And to be honest, my childhood was not rosy. Before I was about 12 years old, my father drank and my mother worked hard to provide for us. When dad stopped drinking (the reason was that he was severely beaten by his drunken comrades), I was glad that we finally began to get out of this hole.

17 years ago I had my first love, but after the advice of my friends, I left him, which I really regretted, he soon got married. Without knowing it, I found him 3 years after the breakup, but he didn’t want to be with me because he was already married. I soon also got married, after another 14 years I found him again, he had already divorced 6 years ago. We met and realized that we loved each other.

I don't know what to do. I have been living with my husband for 6 years. We have . He has a daughter and son (11 and 8 years old). I have a daughter. I recently gave birth to our common child. He will soon be one year old and I want to celebrate our baby’s first birthday with my family. The husband said that his children should be at the holiday. But I do not want. It is his former life, so that the children come, because they will be nervous, and the grandparents will all be with those children and the husband. And I want a holiday for our common child. So that everyone would be with him. But the husband was replaced. He started screaming, slammed the door and left the house. He hasn't lived with us for a week. He said that until I agree to his terms, he will not come.

I was born in one of the most God-forsaken places in Russia. In a small village in the Bryansk region. It would seem that there are so many cities, so many other places, but no, I was born there. Why?

My father drank often, which led to his divorce from my mother. You can say that I grew up without a father, so at the age of 20 I don’t know how to drive a car, I’m not attracted to technology. Plus, I get carsick.

From 12 to 16 years old, I lived in a small town in the Moscow region (my mother met her second husband), there I found new friends, but as the number of friends grew, my academic situation worsened (by the way, before moving, everything was the other way around).

I am 28 years old, I am divorced, I have a daughter, she is 3 years old. My life in Lately turned into a routine without any enlightenment. when my daughter was one year old. He doesn’t communicate with his daughter at all, doesn’t pay child support, has limited rights and will eventually be deprived of them, but he doesn’t care. I had to go to work; before maternity leave I had a job, but while I was babysitting, the position was taken and I was forced to leave. I found another job, it’s very difficult physically, I’m constantly sick, I got sick 7 times in 8 months, my immunity is low. I endure all illnesses on my feet, I can’t take sick leave, they’ll kick me out. Plus, after a divorce, due to nerves, I got a disease that cannot be cured in any way, only complete rest can help, but this is impossible. That’s why I hate my job, but I work, otherwise my daughter and I simply won’t survive.

I got married at 25. He was a year and a half older than me. Before that, we dated for three years. Our relationship developed ambiguously from the very beginning, but I fell in love and believed that I had met a person with whom, no matter what, I was ready to live my whole life. At the same time, I had quite a lot of stereotypes imposed - by society, family, environment - that I wanted to bring to life. This, in particular, applied to the notorious stamp in the passport. Now I admit that the official registration of marriage is a consequence, and not the cause of a happy life together, but then it was very important to me. I practically insisted, and we finally got officially married.

Also, since my parents separated when I was three, I always wanted to have a “normal” family. And just the husband’s family seemed in this sense not normal, but ideal: the parents have lived together for 40 years, have two grown-up children, and everyone communicates constantly. I thought that a person who grew up in such an atmosphere would transfer this model to his (i.e., our) family. But the further I went, the more clearly I realized that he was very happy to remain a member of his parents’ large family, and to simply “include” me there too. Although the first year of marriage was a tremendous success for me, because my dreams came true!

Soon my husband’s parents gave me the idea of ​​opening my own travel agency and suggested financial assistance to start. The load has been enormous. I began to live a “double life” - on the one hand, business required time, effort and dedication, and sometimes I could not fall asleep at night for several days in a row from simple overexertion, on the other hand, I did everything not to focus on it . I had the feeling that my work in my husband’s eyes was entertainment that allowed me not to sit at home. Only in the company of mutual friends could the husband remark: “But Julia is a great guy. She’s doing everything herself, and no one is helping her.” If I had the opportunity not to advertise my position, I always took advantage of it. Now I actually think that I belittled my contribution and my achievements. The turning point came literally: my deputy broke her leg and fell out of work on the eve of the “hot” tourist season. I had to take the whole blow on myself: I began to work much more, and there was no longer any opportunity or strength to hide my busyness. And at that moment I felt that I was left alone. I really needed help - both real physical and moral, of course. There were no longer enough resources for a “double life”. But my husband seemed to refuse to understand what was happening, demanding from me that our life, at least outwardly, should not change in any way.

Six months later, when I came out of the state of time pressure and stress and looked around, I realized that as soon as I stopped driving our relationship like a locomotive, it stopped.

There was no way we could talk. The husband did not want to listen to “this nonsense” and answered: “Personally, everything suits me in our relationship. If you have complaints, then you deal with them.” This attitude extended to the “children’s issue” that became painful for our couple. However, having drawn conclusions from the story with the “stamp in the passport”, I did not want to push him, nor force him, much less confront him with a fact.

As a result, during my next attempt to convey what I feel in our relationship and to understand how he sees it and where, in his opinion, we will end up if everything continues in the same spirit, I heard a proposal to “go on vacation” or “to go stay with my mother,” which is what I did. When we had a conversation, I said that I couldn’t get rid of the feeling that I was always dragging him somewhere against his will: either into marriage, or into fatherhood, or somewhere else. I knew that my leaving was a step of desperation, a last resort to attract his attention to myself and to our relationship. But my husband said quite clearly that he would not “stand under the balcony and sing serenades.” And by the way, I didn’t expect this at all. I was waiting for a conscious answer to the question of how he sees our relationship further, if at all. For a whole year I kept my distance from the outside world, explaining that it was okay, we weren’t divorced, we just didn’t live together yet. But the husband took the position of being offended, abandoned by his wife, who for some reason suddenly left and did not return. His parents and mutual friends tried to bring me back, but not him. And in one of our meetings he told me: “You know me well. Then you should know all the more that I will not change.” And I understand that he is right, because he has the right to be himself. But from my own experience, I know that it is possible to change - if there is a desire, but it is much harder than saying “yes, I am like that.”

The official divorce finally took place when I quite accidentally found out that my husband continued to play the role of the abandoned, abandoned and insulted for everyone, and he had been living with another woman for six months. This situation, initially terribly painful, eventually relieved me of the feeling of guilt towards my “abandoned” husband. Because until that moment it was difficult for me to put an end to our relationship.

My husband refused to go and file for divorce for a long time, citing the fact that I know very well how unimportant “all these official procedures” are for him.

I am not proud of the fact that I had to go through a divorce, and I do not consider it a personal achievement. But now I understand much better what I personally need, what I would like, what is truly important and valuable to me. I can’t say that divorce helped me discover new qualities in myself; rather, I was able to return to my real self.

Elena Schmidt, managing partner of Pharmanics

I am 41 years old, I got married “like everyone else” - at the age of 24 to a foreigner, but remained to live in Russia. Moreover, this was a conscious choice: the Germans are very reliable. Romantic feelings were present, but it was secondary, primary - reliability, stability and rational approach to life.

Getting married was a joint decision. But everyone considered themselves the main thing in it. We had a partnership, I was just pulled in one direction, and he was pulled in the other.

In the first year, you wanted something new, but you understand that your other half cannot give it to you, and you do not find support in all your initiatives. Everything suited him. He began to be the first to look in the “other direction” in search of his ideal: namely, homemade, slipper-cutlet. At the same time, I am an ideal housewife, I cook well, I always kept the house in perfect order, and there have never been any complaints against me in this regard. On the contrary, home improvement gave me pleasure then, and even now.

But dissatisfaction in the relationship accumulates. We missed each other in terms of emotions, feeling each other. Moreover, it seems to me that it was mutual: he missed me, and I missed him.

They say about the Germans that they are efficient, but not creative. At the beginning I was very attracted to this: I always knew what our daily, monthly and even yearly plan was. But just then this structuredness and planning, even with my innate conservatism, began to tire me. Although he helped me a lot in work matters. At that time, both of us—yesterday’s university graduates—were starting to actively build a career.

I was always determined to succeed, but my husband was not jealous of my success at work. On the contrary, I could discuss a work issue with him, although I worked in a completely different field - Bayer. His advice was always very effective, no matter what he said. Then I gave them a touch of creativity - and achieved success. What I couldn’t do in my family life in terms of impromptu and creativity, I transferred to work, where I had a blast full program.

It was like this for the entire ten years of our marriage. Even at the very beginning, I had brilliant ideas on how to diversify our lives - for example, going to a party with friends, but it all ended the same. He said: “That’s it, stop, we have to go home. This is not possible and this is not possible.” There was always a restraining force, even if you felt good. This was already a certain power of circumstances over you, which decides how to live “correctly”.

Of course, there were breakdowns, which is natural, and hysterics, but extremely rarely. Our family problems for a long time In general, I didn’t consider them problems, but just a small detail that, of course, interferes with life, but not much, and its solution can be postponed until later. I thought that if I’m not ready to decide now, I can simply change my attitude towards this.

I tried hard. Firstly, because I could not admit that I had made a mistake somewhere (for example, getting married), and secondly, I made all the decisions myself. Outwardly, we looked like an ideal couple with an ideal relationship.

After unsuccessful social impromptu attempts, we adopted a dog, deciding that it would bring us closer and add newness to our relationship. It was a mistake, although we tried very hard to “do everything right.” We chose a completely non-city dog ​​- an Afghan hound. Therefore, our main rapprochement occurred at the moment when we were looking for her with flashlights throughout Neskuchny Garden for six hours (she loved to run away from us during walks).

The divorce probably happened because at some point we both began to “look around.” I analyzed the role models of other families. But he was the first to find his happiness. Having learned about this by chance, she packed her things and left without a scandal. Although, of course, I am not made of stone. Having learned about the existence of another woman, I told my husband everything I thought about him and the situation. And, you know, after such an emotional performance I felt better.

He, of course, tried to bring me back, said that we both made a mistake, but I believe that all the actions to “bring me back” were more dictated by habit. Believe it or not, I didn’t have any severe emotional trauma before the divorce. I analyzed the facts: I have a lot of work, and I am absorbed in it, he wants a divorce, and I want him too. I remember then thinking: “Oh my God, this was bound to happen sooner or later.”

And I got a chance to start living for real. And when he finally got tired of winning me back, he filed for divorce. I am very grateful to him for bringing this situation to an end. We remained friends. In the end, no one hurt anyone, and we had a common past.

In general, I think it’s always the woman’s fault that relationships fall apart. It is, of course, my fault that my marriage broke up. I wanted a different life and a different relationship. To stay in my marriage, I had to break myself and turn off my desires, but I didn’t break myself, and so the marriage ended. I could convince myself that there was no need to change anything, but that I should just live in the conditions that existed. It was I who did not fit this marriage model. Now I am back to my old self.

After the divorce, I finally stopped doing “family planning,” but my second marriage happened pretty soon. Firstly, after I unashamedly announced that my first marriage was over, those who did not take the initiative, knowing that I was married, returned to the courtship distance. We have been together for five years, my daughter is three years old.

In our marriage, I just live and no longer nurture the relationship. They just are. If in that marriage I didn’t like myself, then in this marriage I like myself. I don’t need to cultivate an attitude towards anything. Life abounds. We are always going somewhere, there is a lot of fuss. Probably, it was precisely this bustle that I missed in the sterility of my first marriage. And finally, I have a lot of feelings.

If the first marriage was a marriage of the mind, then the second became a marriage of the heart.

What conclusions did I draw for myself from this story? Firstly, everything that is done is for the better. Now I'm just sure of it. Secondly, you need to let yourself express your emotions - those 15 minutes of my monologue in a raised voice to my husband about his betrayal were important and gave me emotional release. Thirdly, under no circumstances should you withdraw into yourself, you should go out into the outside world and should not be ashamed of what happened. Yes, I openly discussed that I was getting a divorce, although, of course, without going into details. There were a lot of adequate people around me - friends and girlfriends who gave adequate advice. Those friends who were considered common, of course, separated at the time of the divorce, but I did not lose anything.

I don’t have time to analyze whether I’m living correctly in my second marriage. They say that a second marriage is the victory of hope over experience. So it is: I once hoped to live with emotions, brightly - and I succeeded.

Maria Ukradyzhenko, investment project manager

Formally, I was not married, but it can easily be called a civil marriage - by the time of that separation we had lived together for six years. They planned to get married many times, three times even quite seriously. We met literally the day after our nineteenth birthday. I was a student. I didn’t think about a career; my whole life was aimed at doing good for the man I loved. At one time I felt quite comfortable being a housewife: we moved from St. Petersburg to Moscow, rented an apartment in Moscow, and built a life in a new city. He completely provided for the family financially, and, of course, he was also the main one.

However, the more he earned, the later he came home, the more often he did not have dinner, and we spent less and less time together. Then the opportunity arose to move to a larger apartment and hire a housekeeper. I had a lot of free time, and I went back to study. He generally didn’t like it because he wanted me to always be at home. As a result, we went abroad during my session, and I left the institute. Then I finally got a job. There I was praised and quickly promoted, but scandals began at home. Our schedules didn’t match: I got up early and went to bed early.

As a result, he began to walk everywhere alone, and then, as it turned out, not alone. When I found out about everything, I blamed myself for everything, but I had no thoughts of leaving him. Since then, we stopped parting, I quit my job and started living his life completely 100% of the time. But our relationship never returned to what it was before. Over these six years, he went from an ordinary provincial boy to a Moscow oligarch with all the attributes in the form of an expensive car, security and a bunch of young mistresses from a modeling environment. I tried to catch him red-handed, but at the same time I was very afraid of parting, thinking that if he left me, I would die. I, being naturally thin, lost another 6 kg, and looked just like a skeleton.

The separation itself was not a bolt from the blue for me. Everything lasted too long. He once again asked me to go back to St. Petersburg, said that he loved someone else and wanted to build a relationship with her, giving me $1000 as a farewell, and allowed me to live for one month in his St. Petersburg apartment in the hope that I would not bother him again . I didn't have the strength to resist, so I left. Immediately after my arrival, I got a job at the first company I came across as an office manager with a salary of $400. Within a week, he begged me to come back, forget everything and start our life together, as they say, from scratch. But for me it was a good lesson, and I no longer believed him. I was offended that I had been living his life all this time. Therefore, it was terribly offensive that he did not appreciate this and was able to leave me - alone, without money, without housing, without work. Somehow I suddenly realized that I had to be independent, that I had to build my own life, that I had to have some kind of financial and moral independence so that I would never find myself in this humiliating situation again. It so happened that he, probably without wanting it himself, created this very incentive for me, and created it very well.

It was 2004. Now I work in the same company and am one of its top managers.

Prologue
“The idea came to me to write about myself. The idea is absurd, because I never had the desire to engage in writing, I was never noted to have any literary abilities; I’ve never kept a diary in my life, I’ve never even committed my innermost thoughts to paper. Once upon a time, many years ago, I wrote letters to a loved one and at some periods of my life I re-read them, but they were not distinguished by literary delights: only feelings, feelings, feelings... If anything comes of my idea, then we will talk about it later .
Most likely, the desire to write is explained by the need to confess, to turn the soul inside out in front of itself. And, perhaps, find the answer to the question: why everything in my life turned out this way and not otherwise, why by the end of my life I found myself broke, although I always strived to create a good, friendly family with its own traditions, small family joys; a family in which there would be mutual understanding, joy, love, devotion to each other.
Of course, my story is banal, thousands of women find themselves in this situation, I am the first thousand and, unfortunately, far from the last... But...

Who am I?
I’m sixty-two, I haven’t worked for three years now. Do I have a family? Formally, yes, but in reality? Who am I: a widow, a divorcee? Not a widow for sure. Wife? Free woman? Most likely, the second one. A free woman at sixty-two. Free from everything: from any obligations to anyone, doesn’t owe anyone anything, and most importantly, doesn’t need anyone. And I have had this freedom for four of the most terrible years of my life. And how much longer do I have to live, enjoying such “freedom”?
And then the call rings again:
- I'm leaving today.
More on this later. When will it all end? When will I finally take all these calls and messages calmly? How to understand yourself? What is this? Love? Unwillingness to come to terms with what is happening? Sorry to lose? Don't know.

Logically, in a normal life, I should hate him, I learned so many nasty things about him, that throughout our entire life together he cheated on me (his brother kindly shared all the details known to him). But it’s true, something just surfaced for many years, but I didn’t believe it. Now, at some moments, another lie: business trips, especially on holidays and weekends, or just like in that call directly: “I’m leaving today.”
But this is not the main thing. I can’t understand myself, I don’t understand myself: sometimes I want him to leave; sometimes I’m indifferent to everything, but more often I’m overcome with such horror at the thought that he comes and says: “I’m leaving,” - when I imagine all this - my heart is rolling down somewhere, I almost lose consciousness - such fear grips me.
I don’t know how to survive all this, how to learn to be indifferent, how to erase him once and for all from my life? I have already learned not to remember anything good that happened in our lives; I just forbade myself to think about it, and sometimes it works.
But about the present: there is not a single minute, not a single second that I don’t think about it. I get up and go to bed only thinking about him, about what is happening; throughout the day, no matter what you do, no matter what you do, all thoughts about him are like an obsession...
Now I'm looking forward to another New Year with horror. The worst thing for me is to survive New Year. A person should not be left alone on New Year's Day, he should not, he should never. I don't wish harm on anyone, but it's her fault. To get into someone else's family and destroy everything in it. No, she will not get away with this, and the retribution will be very cruel.
But... I don’t understand him either: our daughter, whom we have been waiting for. He loved her very much, but now he doesn’t even remember her, as if she doesn’t exist at all.

*****
I had hope of leaving. Small, tiny, but it appeared. So there might be some way out. I'm just afraid to even believe it. To be honest, I don’t know yet what will come of this, and whether it will come out at all. But still, I will try, I will make every effort to make it work. I’ll get over myself, I’ll endure everything, but I’ll try, I’ll try….
*****
How I want this person to cease to exist for me, so that I don’t feel anything towards him: no anger, no disappointment, no pain - nothing. Just one day I would become nobody: neither an enemy nor a friend – just transparent, a glass through which everything around me is visible.

Nobody…. Nothing

The most painful days have come. New Year is approaching. How I once loved this holiday: pre-holiday chores, the most ordinary bustle: cleaning, buying something tasty, cooking and serving festive table, obligatory Christmas tree…. What about gifts? How I loved choosing gifts, especially gifts for him. I so wanted to please him, to bring him joy, sometimes to the detriment of my daughter.
And on the first of January, our daughter’s family came to us: she, son-in-law, grandson. And we all got together. Yes, with the arrival of children the illusion of a strong, almost Italian family was created, but we all knew that this was not so. For his sake, I broke up my relationship with my daughter, but the cup cannot be glued together without leaving marks, the cracks still remain. It’s the same in my relationship with my daughter, but for the time being it didn’t matter to me, because I had you.
The sixth of January is your birthday. Somehow it turned out in our family that the sixth day is a holiday, not Christmas Day. At the same time, I really loved it when we got together with the whole family. If someone was invited as a sixth, then that was also good, pleasant... But all this happened - it happened once, a long time ago.
In all these pre-holiday efforts, it seemed that you wouldn’t have time to do something, there wouldn’t be enough time, you wouldn’t get something done... But now there’s more than enough time, and no fuss, no hassle. Nobody needs anything from me... It's sad... Yes, it's sad that everything is gone. It’s both very painful and offensive. It’s a shame that there is no family, it’s gone, and at the same time there are no traditions; everything is gone...
I destroyed something myself; I realized too late that I shouldn’t throw everything on the altar of love, and did I really understand? Don't know…

I don’t understand what kind of trash you have to be to destroy a family and enjoy it. And the main thing is to know that there are no prospects in this relationship, that very little time will pass and this connection will be severed. He is sixty-six, and you are thirty years younger... And then what? Throw out the almost old man; let the former family choose? I have never wished harm on anyone, but this...
May God forgive me! Damn you, you rubbish! Damn you! I have the right to tell you this! Life will put everything in its place. Everything will return to you a hundredfold, sooner or later, but it will return. And you will receive everything in full, according to the full program. I know you can’t say that, but with all my heart I wish you to go through everything that I had to go through. You really have nothing to lose except your own debauchery! But the stronger and more bitter, the more terrible this loss will be.
And I…. God! At least everything would turn out the way I planned. I don't want to live like this anymore; leave and never see or hear anything about him. Maybe my leaving will push him to decide to go there... Sad. Hurt. It's a shame. I don’t want to live like this, but I don’t have enough determination. No, I have to: I need to pull myself together, make up my mind. Enough! Stop feeling sorry for yourself! I've endured enough.
****
Well, the holidays are over. Survived... Another New Year is behind us in my daughter’s family. Somehow it all went away. Hopes, dreams, plans - nothing came true. I waited, really waited, for the bell to ring around twelve, and I would hear a voice: “I...”. There were a lot of calls, but there were no miracles.
January is already coming to an end. Spring is coming, the dacha is coming. Maybe go to Paris with your daughter? Already two years instead New Year's gifts I give her this promise. Soon, soon, soon... I’m wasting time, I’m not living, I’m existing. I hate weekends and holidays. I try not to be alone these days, but sometimes I want to be alone. But how can you learn not to think about it? I don't know, it doesn't work! There is nothing more to hope for. Or maybe, after all, to Paris? Alone? Or with a friend, but not with your daughter! Otherwise, everything will drag on endlessly...

You know…..
I'm leaving, leaving you forever. I endured it. As much as I could, I don’t want to anymore.
I could tell you a lot: how much I have experienced, how many tears have been shed, how I hoped and waited: you will come and say: “That’s it! I'm back!" For some reason it seemed to me that this should happen on New Year's Day. And what was going on in my soul when the time approached Friday...
Lord, I couldn’t find a place for myself: if you leave, you won’t leave?
How I wanted to talk, how I wanted to reach you, to explain that you can’t do this to your family, this is the only thing a person has. But I don’t like to sort things out, it’s not for me.
I don’t want to do this now. We speak different languages, and you will never understand me, never. Live as you please. If you need a divorce, I will give it to you.
The only question to which I cannot find an answer is how could a mature, elderly person allow himself to destroy everything that was created during his life? Are you really so spineless that you allow yourself to be twisted and turned as you please by this rubbish? But that's your business! What you chose is what you chose.
Goodbye! Thank you for everything, first of all for being the “best” husband, for loving me all my life, for being “faithful.” Your brother told me a lot: how many girls you had, how you proposed that he marry one of them, and you were supposed to live with her; and much, much more that I had no idea about. Thank you for becoming my “support” and “support” in my old age.
Summarize? I once told you: to love means to give everything to your loved one, without demanding anything in return.
Once upon a time, in the first years of marriage, you wrote to your friend: ruin your life, but also prevent others from taking full advantage of it. I would have read these lines back then and run away from you without looking back, but I loved you, I wanted to atone for my guilt before you with my whole life. Naive! After all, you can live like a human being with a person.
I hate my whole life because almost all of it is connected with you. Many people say that if they had to start life over again, they would not change anything about it.
So I’m very sorry that a person has a memory: I don’t want to remember a single minute, not a single moment associated with you. I wouldn't like to remember it; what happened before you, and after - not yet. I would like you to turn into nothing, so that nothing reminds you of you. I don’t want to think about you, or know you, or hear about you. You don't exist for me; I don't want to love you or hate you.
What a chameleon you have to be: go to her, promise her something, and then come here, make plans for the future, sleep with her and with me.
But what shocked me most of all was your muttering when, after the first operation: I love you, I love you very much, but my soul is there, I have to help a person write a dissertation; I couldn’t get away from you then.
Sometimes I want to look inside you, read your thoughts, what you really feel, because neither your behavior, nor your words and actions can be explained. I don't understand, I don't understand anything. Your proposal to live in another room - and try to communicate at the same time? How to understand this?
And your words: “They see your intention to take my mother to you as a desire to bring me back.” If this is really the case, are you really so inhuman that you don’t believe in the sincerity of another person’s feelings and actions? Having lived with you for so many years, did I really give any reason to doubt my insincerity? Cause I'm enough open man, I say what I think. I never did anything behind your back; committed good or bad deeds openly. For what? What did I do to deserve such a vile attitude towards myself?
I'm letting you go, go... Live as best you can."

In April, she and her friend went to Switzerland, and in November she died from rapidly developing oncology. In the hospital, before she fell into a coma, she dreamed of returning home, changing the curtains, and on New Year’s Eve going with her friend somewhere in Europe….

He didn’t even bring flowers to her funeral…..
Less than forty days after her death, he brought his young wife to their house and wanted to give her, as a sign of his love, an apartment in which the soul of the one who loved him all his life still lived...

He declared his daughter crazy because she allowed herself to disagree with his decision and asked him to wait at least six months...