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Dad died. For many who have lost their father, this phrase sounds heartbreaking. And the heart aches in the chest, beating at a frantic rhythm. When the father dies, i.e. When my father died, everything inside seemed to end, as if the world had collapsed. And at such moments, close friends could help, but not everyone and not always. It happens that words of support not only help, but even irritate, infuriate, well, how many times can you repeat the same thing. Calm down! How can you calm down? Or pull yourself together! How? How can you be calm when the person you grew up with, played with, was brought up with, sometimes shared secrets, asked for advice, suddenly dies, leaves you, somewhere out there, in heaven, in paradise, in the universe... You thought that It will always be like this, that he will always live, you can always call him, talk, ask him how he is, how he is, what he was doing... But alas, this is how it is with everyone, at an unexpected or expected moment we lose our fathers. And no matter how hard it is for us, we need to live on, live, because he gave us life, because he wanted it so, because it should be so that fathers leave before their children. Yes, it is difficult and impossible to accept this thought: “Dad is dead.” And no matter how much you would like to return him, this, alas, is impossible, therefore you need to come to terms with and accept the fact that dad died, that now he will not be around, that you need to live without this person.

Of course, you can resist this thought, but this will not help reality. In reality, it will only get worse because the desire for dad to be alive does not correspond with the reality that dad is no longer there. And no matter how much a person suffers, reality will remain, but what he wants will not come true. It’s difficult to understand, let alone accept, and even after many years, remembering dad, the heart will ache, there will be tears, there will be bitterness, and life will no longer be what it was before.

But if you can’t get your father back, then you can get yours back. emotional condition back to normal. And you can start smiling again, move on with your life, without sadness. It would seem that this is impossible, because dad died. But I will tell you that it is possible and I see this every day with different people who have lost their father. There are intensive methods and techniques to quickly recover from the loss of your dad. Freeing you from feelings of grief and loss, from suffering and melancholy. Leaving only a little sadness and a bright, warm memory of him, of your father. Therefore, do not wait for it to settle down on its own. Click on the link (>>) and follow further instructions. And you will be able to get rid of grief and live as before, but without it.
Everything is much simpler than it seems now.
I won’t try to convince you otherwise, you will see for yourself in an hour.

This is one of the saddest events in every person's life. Sometimes it is impossible to give any recommendations, because the question is quite personal. Some people don’t need anyone at all; they try to isolate themselves and disconnect from the whole world. Some people want to receive support and find support in loved ones.

Unfortunately, find solutions Problems It’s not so easy, but you can come up with something to distract yourself at least a little. It is still better to share such a misfortune with someone, because this way you will spend at least a little of your energy and share your experiences, and this is very important for the psyche.

How to cope with the death of your father?

1. Don't rush yourself. Many begin to look for a problem in their personality, do not allow themselves to show emotions, and limit themselves. In fact, psychologists say that sadness and crying are healthy because it relieves stress. If you keep telling yourself that you can’t be sad, this will create additional problems; you may feel guilty if you suddenly don’t keep your promise.

Once upon a time, in the Victorian era, even time was allocated for longing for a father - from two to four years. Some people come to their senses much earlier, while others need much more years. It all depends on the person, as well as on the circumstances, because death from old age is inevitable, albeit a little, but we all understand it. It is much more difficult if it is a sudden death, it is much more difficult to survive this. In any case, do not set limits for yourself; recover from a disaster exactly as much as you need.

2. Don't forget that your father wished you well. This means that no thoughts of suicide should ever occur to you. Imagine how your father would react if he suddenly found out that you had decided to die? He loved you, so he always wanted only the best, it is important to learn to live in such a way that he can be proud of you.

Think about what activities bring you pleasure, try to start doing this again, so that you can imagine how your father would smile when he sees you happy. This, of course, is not easy, because not everyone can start playing active sports games when they feel sad, but always imagine in your head your beloved dad, who would be glad to see you in the rays of happiness and joy.

Try not to disappoint him all areas of life. This is the most important thing you can do for your father now.

3. Keep your father in your memory. The most valuable thing you can do for him, because he is no longer with you physically, but in your head he will always be. Remember that this way you can immortalize him in your thoughts, remember him as he was. Be sure to keep a diary in which you write the pleasant moments that you lived together, be sure to describe how you feel at the moment, so you can always return to your memories and know that you have not forgotten anything. Talk to people who knew him. These could be his friends, colleagues, acquaintances.

4. Don't forget about yourself. First of all, people who lose loved ones sleep poorly. This is due to the fact that they are constantly under stress, and this negatively affects their nervous system. Make sure that your sleep lasts at least 7-8 hours, otherwise your body will not have time to recover. Do not refuse food under any circumstances, because this is a physiological need.

You can refuse from delicious food, if you blame yourself for having fun, but leave the basic products. Remember that your lungs need to breathe, your heart needs to beat, and your cells need to renew themselves, and to do this they need calories. You should have at least 3 meals a day, also provide yourself with a minimum physical activity. This will give you a little emotional relief and will also help you feel better physically. Of course, we all understand that healthy sleep and delicious healthy food will not help you cope with this problem, but this way you will be able to function normally and perform your usual duties.

5. Analyze what exactly is causing you sadness. Sometimes this helps to smooth out the pain a little and get out of a state of depression. It is important to understand at what moments you feel an urgent need for help and support. Remember that you can always ask your family and friends about this. Try to remember what you liked to do with your father? What exactly are you missing right now? For example, you played board games together, watched a comedy show in the evenings, or visited certain establishments. Just ask someone close to you to keep you company.

This will make you feel closer to father, you can enjoy warm memories and have a great time with your loved one. Take a diary and write out your entire day from start to finish. You should have a lot to do and only take breaks for meals. This way you won't feel alone and will get rid of the feeling of loneliness.

6. Don't make spontaneous decisions. Often the death of a parent makes you think that everything in your life has no meaning. Many begin to destroy their families, careers and radically change their lives. In fact, this will not lead you to anything good, but you will make a lot of mistakes, which you will then need to work on long and hard. Remember that besides your father, there are other people in your life who need your attention and love. Don't forget that good job you will need it at least to feed yourself.

Someone like this moments there is a desire to move to another city, to divorce your other half, but now such thoughts come to you because of depression.

All the grief of dad's death in one clip

As far as I can remember, my father has always been an example for me. Even on those who grow up without a father, his influence is great - in the sense that it is easy to notice when a man was raised by his mother alone. Therefore, the death of a father is a huge grief and great pain for any man. This is great sorrow. For many it is a loss of losses. This grief is different from any other, and only a man who has lost his father can understand it. This event is difficult to recover from. It contains several difficult aspects at once.

Vulnerability

When a father dies, we often lose even more than a loved one. We sincerely cannot understand why the world did not stop after this tragic event. Sons take the death of their father very hard, and when the world does not share this grief, it makes them feel alone, cut off from a world that does not understand them. Many men feel like an orphan, even though their mother is alive, because they feel universal loneliness. This feeling of vulnerability is due to the fact that for many of us the father is a symbol of stability and order in the world order. We always know that we can count on our father in any situation: he will help, he will give advice, even when the whole world turns its back on us. When the father is no longer there, the son does not know where to turn for help; he feels scared and vulnerable. This is true even for men who had a bad relationship with their father. Yes, the father may not have been a protector and provider, but we still feel loneliness: somewhere in the subconscious we believed that the father could still fix the matter.

Awareness of mortality

Our culture prefers to ignore the fact of human mortality and avoid this topic in every possible way. However, when a man loses his father, he can no longer ignore the fact of finitude human life; he understands clearly: we will all die one day. This awareness can affect us any time we are faced with death, and it is especially powerful with the death of a father. This is because many men see their father as part of themselves; part of themselves dies along with their father. The son knows that he will never (at least during his lifetime) see his father, and when he himself dies, it will simply be the end. Many may argue that death is an objective fact, why does the loss of a particular person make it so frightening? The problem is the illusion of control. We men are accustomed to thinking that we control our own destiny, that we are in charge. In many cases this is true, but death is a completely special matter: here we have no control. We lose this illusion of control, there is simply no place for it in our lives: no matter how well we know how to control ourselves and solve problems, we cannot raise our father from the dead. Therefore, the son grieves not only for his father, but also for the understanding of his own powerlessness that he has acquired.

There's no one else to listen to us

We are used to our father always being there. He saw all our achievements, he helped, he encouraged, he gave advice. A son does a lot for his father's approval, and his father is one of the few people whose approval is worth straining for. We can proudly bring home excellent grades and show our diary to our father; this dynamic can be seen in adulthood: we boast about our achievements at university, at work, in the family. When a father dies, there is no one else to tell about it. There is no one to listen to us. For sons who are already parents themselves, it is also sad because they cannot tell their proud grandfather about the successes of their children, they cannot ask for advice about raising children. We miss our father at any time when we need advice or human participation. For a man who had never been particularly close to his father, this loss was felt much earlier, long before his father died: he tried in vain to earn his approval. And now, with his death, this loss has doubled: the son realizes that he will never be able to show his father what he is capable of.

Take on a new role

For many men, inheritance does not primarily mean property, but responsibility. Regardless of age, after the death of their father, men feel that they have suddenly and greatly matured. The death of the father leaves a vacuum in the family, and the sons feel that they now need to fulfill their father's role, to replace him. This is especially true if the father was the head and protector of the family. The sons feel pressure on themselves; they are afraid of not being able to cope with this task. If mom is still alive, the son will focus on taking care of her. And thanks to this, he will grow, and the family will unite, relatives will become closer to each other in order to somehow improve life in new conditions. However, things don't always happen this way. The opposite may also happen: other family members will resist the son’s desire to take on the role of head of the family; siblings may even compete for this role. In the worst case, the death of the father can lead to a complete breakdown of the family: he kept them together, and now there is no one else to do it. For men whose father has not played an important role in their lives, the thought of taking his place seems daunting. They do not want to fulfill his duties; on the contrary: they want to change the order of things so as not to be like their father in the future.

Long shadow

As a boy grows up, he learns different skills and life lessons from his father. He quickly realizes that it is better to do everything like his father, because he knows more, he has more experience, and disobedience, as a rule, turns out worse for you. Sons crave their fathers' approval and live for praise. This desire for paternal approval and suffering from disapproval extends into adulthood and continues even after the father's death. Sons often feel their father's presence when they do what their father taught them; visit places that you and your father have visited before; use their things. For many men, such memories mean a connection with their father even after his death. However, sons may find it difficult to do things differently from their father: they seem to sense his disapproval. They often ask themselves the question: “Would my father be proud of me?” Father's long shadow influences our lives even after his death.

Father's legacy

When a man grieves for his father, he inevitably goes through a phase of accepting his father's legacy. We often look to the lives of our father and grandfather to evaluate how their views and values ​​affected us. Some sons look back on their father's character and values ​​with admiration and a desire to follow them in own life. Others look back and see guilt, mistakes, failures - everything that they themselves would like to avoid. As a rule, we are looking for some good qualities that they could implement in their own lives. For a son who has already become a father, the analysis of his father's legacy is especially important: he feels like the middle link through which the past is cemented with the future - one day he will pass on this legacy to his own children. For many men, the death of a father serves as an impetus for strengthening relationships with their own children, strengthening their desire to be the source of pride for their children.

It's not that practical guide to action on how to behave in the event of the death of the father. There are no instructions here. This post aims to show all the aspects and stages of accepting this grief; show how difficult it is to deal with it. Only time can heal wounds. One thing is clear: after the death of your father comes the desire to live your life so that people can call you a worthy son of your father; so that you yourself can proudly declare it. Two things are important in accepting this grief. First, you need to fight. This may seem strange, but you can only survive grief by fighting it. It will strengthen you. Secondly, we need to talk about it. In grief you need support. Be strong and strong, bro.

A child’s father has died - what to do, how to explain to the child about death and how to console him? It is not always possible, by looking at a baby, to understand how he feels and how hard he is experiencing the loss. Some children may cry, some may express emotions through words, some may even change their behavior and psychological state. How to be an adult, how to behave in this situation so that the child can bear the loss as easily as possible.

Moral aspect

When telling your child this news, it is very important to be frank and in no case dry in your emotions. With your intonation you need to show that his reaction is important to you and that you yourself are very upset. If your child has questions, you need to answer them as honestly as possible. Of course, all traumatic details should be omitted. This is especially important if the death was sudden or violent.

It is important not to prohibit your child from experiencing emotions. It would be correct to show sympathy and say that you also miss dad very much and that you are also very hurt and bitter.

Often children begin to worry about their or your safety and ask when you or he will die. In this case, it is very important to make it clear that nothing will happen to him or you, that you care about your health and safety, that he is the most important thing in your life, therefore both you and he will die only in deep old age.

From my own experience, from practice, I know that it is very difficult to be close to a child experiencing the death of a loved one. But what is it like for the child himself if it is difficult for an adult?

A child, experiencing the death of a parent, comes into contact with his own insecurity. And the feelings that a child experiences can be different: initial stage a person does not believe that something irreparable has happened; it is impossible to believe it.

When an understanding of what happened comes, the child may experience mixed feelings: fear of death, a feeling of abandonment, anger.
The death of a loved one may be perceived as a betrayal of oneself, and at the same time the child may consider himself to blame for the death of the parent; and also experience the fear of losing the other parent.

And it is difficult for a child to cope with these conflicting feelings. Tell the grieving child: “What is happening to you is normal. This happens to anyone who experiences loss.” Don't hide your tears and don't hide your sadness.

Share your bitter feelings with your child, because children do not yet have experience of grief, and the child simply does not know how to express his pain. Talk to him about his father, draw, look at photographs. Positive memories of a deceased loved one will help a child accept the fact of the loss and find a place in their heart for the memory of the deceased.

• Allow your child to show any emotions, including tears.
• Allow him to cry. Don't be afraid of your child's tears.
• Tears provide an opportunity to grieve...
• Don't be afraid of the intensity of childhood experiences.
• Just be close, physical contact is very important for a child.
• “I'm with you, I'm close. Do you want to talk about it?"

It is normal to have intense emotional outbursts over many months. This happens to anyone who experiences loss.
Grief includes many different feelings - anger, sadness, resentment, guilt, and even, ultimately, joy.

How do children of different ages experience grief?

As mentioned earlier, the perception of the death of a loved one largely depends on the age of the child. How is grief expressed after the death of parents in children, preschoolers and teenagers?

Children under two years old

During this period, the child, of course, does not realize the loss of mom, dad, or both parents. However, he notices that those who care for him have changed emotionally. Feeling this, the child may become irritable, noisy, and may refuse to eat. Possible urinary problems and intestinal upset.

Child at two years old

The child knows that if he does not see his parents, he can call them and they will come. At two years old, the baby still cannot understand what death is, so he continues to look for mom or dad for a long time. To support such a child, constant care is needed not only emotionally (love, warmth), but also physiologically ( proper nutrition, dream).

Children aged three to five years

Children of this age need to try to very gently explain that mom or dad has died and they will not be able to come back. It is likely that the child may have a fear of the dark, the child may suddenly change his mood, cry, feel angry or sad.

It is possible that the baby will begin to complain to you about abdominal pain and headaches. You may also notice skin rashes or a return to thumb sucking. During this period, it will be useful to remember the bright moments spent with the deceased, as well as preserve the traditions established by him.

If a child walked with dad in the park every weekend, you should do this too; if in winter they always went skiing, do not change this tradition.

Children aged six to eight years

At this age, children often, and even more so at school, ask each other about their parents. You need to prepare your child for such questions. Encourage him to answer simply: “My mother died.”

Explain to your child that he is not obligated to tell the details of the death or talk to strangers about things that are personal to him. During this period, some children may behave differently than their classmates: be more emotional and even lash out at teachers.

Children aged nine to twelve

At this age, the child already strives for independence. Only the death of a loved one does not give you a free hand; on the contrary, it can impose a feeling of helplessness. The child’s experiences can manifest themselves in aggression against adults or elders, fights, and poor academic performance. In addition, children at this age may have practical questions: “Who will drive them to training?”, “Who will give them pocket money?”

During this period, children can rethink their role in the family. For example, a boy who has lost his father may want to take his place. Adults should notice this and try to create all the conditions so that the boy has free time to play, so that he can study in clubs and communicate with children of his age - in general, so that the child has a childhood.

Adults who care for a child should try to explain to him that enjoying life and getting pleasure from it is good. And mom or dad will only be happy if their child is happy.

Teenagers

Perhaps the teenage period is the most difficult for a child. And if it is at this time that the death of a loved one occurs, this can be fraught with bad consequences. In this case, the child may try to find help outside the home, among new, not the best friends who can offer him to forget with help. narcotic drugs or alcohol.

Teenagers do not want to show their feelings, so some of them stubbornly continue to remain silent for a long time, but in their souls they experience death so strongly that they have a desire to commit suicide. During this period, it is important to show your child that you love him, no matter what he is like, that in any case he can count on you and your support.

Consolation in Religion

It is very important to adhere to certain religious beliefs. Such beliefs provide comfort. You can break the news something like this: “I know that dad is now with the angels and God. I believe that he is looking at us now, we just don’t see him and he can’t talk to us…. However, he will hear us if we turn to him mentally or in prayer. He died, but he didn’t stop loving you.”

Various rituals (memorial services, funerals) play a large role in the recovery process. They help to better understand reality and understand that a person actually no longer exists.

However, if a child is afraid to see a dead person, then you need to explain to him that children do not have to attend such rituals. You can come up with your own ritual and perform it with your child. For example, read a prayer together, send a balloon into the sky (imagining that it will reach dad), write a short letter, burn it and scatter the ashes to the wind, etc.

Memories are very important. Some time after the loss, it will be useful to look through photographs and videos and remember dad. Good memories are one of the most important parts of the recovery process.

Of course, children will long for a deceased adult for a long time, but soon they will be able not to cry when remembering him. They will remember their father with a smile if the recovery process is approached correctly. It is described in more detail in the literature on psychological topics.

Funeral ceremony

Why should a child attend a funeral? Farewell to the deceased is one of the most important points funeral ceremonies. Tell your child that everyone will come to say goodbye to the deceased. At a funeral, the child (and other people) come face to face with reality and become truly aware of the fact of death. This is a very sad moment, and there is no need to hide your grief.

Find comfort and perseverance in faith. The church service will be held in accordance with your religious beliefs, and this may indicate a belief in life after death. Many children feel calmer if they believe that their parent (the person himself or his soul) is in heaven.

Should young children attend funerals?

Most children over 6 years of age must attend the ceremony. For children aged 3 to 6 years, a decision is required on a case-by-case basis. A child should not be forced to participate in a funeral, but he should be given a choice. The presence of a child is desirable; during this difficult time, the family should be together to make it easier to endure grief together in the future. During this time, everyone supports each other.

Pre-preparation helps. It can be helpful to research ahead of time what will happen during the church service and funeral. A family member, friend, priest or funeral director can help you with this.

Parting gift? Ask your child if he would like to leave anything in the coffin - a drawing or a letter. This will allow the child to say goodbye to the deceased in a special way and feel like a real participant in the events taking place.

Alternative to funeral. Most families have a traditional funeral method. If cremation is used, the process must be explained to the child. You can, for example, say: “The body in a very hot fire turns into soft ash. These special ashes are placed in a special urn.”

Reality through the game. Play is an integral part of children's lives. It is completely natural for a child to act out a funeral or pretend to be sick and dying in a play situation. Don't worry when you see a game like this.

If you are reading this booklet after a funeral, you may feel that you have not done everything right. Don't worry, you did your best. Focus now on what's ahead.

Documentary issues

In the event of the death of the father, the child needs to receive a survivor's pension. You need to contact Social Security or the Pension Fund to register it.

If the parents are divorced, the child does not lose any rights to the father's inheritance. He is the heir of the first line, along with other children, if there are any. A minor child cannot be deprived of a share in the inheritance, even if there is a will in which he is not mentioned.

If, for whatever reason, the child was not registered in the name of the father, then the law makes it possible to establish paternity even after death.

When considering cases of this kind, the courts proceed from life circumstances that in one way or another indicate the paternity of the deceased. This could be various letters or applications to school or kindergarten, in which the father mentions the child, testimony of witnesses (relatives or friends of the deceased), etc.

When considering such cases, it is very important not to confuse the concepts of the actual father and the person who participated in raising the child. Sometimes it can be different people.

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Almost all children sometimes complain of abdominal pain, which can vary in intensity and localization - from the epigastrium to the groin area.

In most cases, abdominal pain does not pose a threat to the child, but sometimes serious illnesses can be hidden behind it.

If a child under 12 years of age complains of abdominal pain, find out the location and nature of the pain:

Generalized pain, or affecting more than half of the abdomen. This type of pain is typical for food poisoning, digestive disorders, flatulence (bloating) or constipation.
Clearly localized pain (at a specific point) occurs with appendicitis, hernias, problems with gallbladder, ovaries, testicles, stomach (ulcer), etc.
Cramping pain is most likely associated with increased gas formation. Sometimes accompanied by diarrhea. Usually does not pose a threat to the child.
Colic begins suddenly and ends just as suddenly (as if in waves).

If we are talking about a very young child who is not yet able to tell you about abdominal pain, then you should pay attention to the following signs:

1. The child is more restless than usual
2. Lifts the legs up, presses them to the tummy
3. Appetite is reduced or completely absent

Possible causes of abdominal pain in children

Most common reasons abdominal pain in a child under 12 years of age:

Constipation
Bloating, gas formation
Food allergies or intolerance
Heartburn or acid reflux
Stomach flu or food poisoning
Streptococcal pharyngitis or mononucleosis
Anxiety disorder or depression
Intestinal dyskinesia
Abdominal migraine

If abdominal pain recurs periodically or does not go away within 24 hours, it is imperative to consult a pediatrician for examination and to rule out serious diseases!

Abdominal pain in a child may be a symptom of the following diseases:

Appendicitis
Stomach ulcer
Cholelithiasis
Hernia, intestinal obstruction
Inflammatory diseases(UC, Crohn's disease)
Intussusception, especially in young children
Sickle cell disease crisis
Testicular torsion in boys
Ovarian torsion in girls
Infections urinary tract
Tumor formation

First, keep your child quiet and let him lie down to see if the pain goes away. Encourage him to drink water or try to go to the toilet. Avoid eating solid foods for the first few hours, and then gradually start giving soft foods - rice, biscuits.

Do not give your child food or drinks that can irritate the gastrointestinal tract:

Do not give your child ibuprofen, paracetamol or similar drugs without first consulting your doctor. Aspirin and nimesulide are contraindicated for children in any situation!

To prevent many types of abdominal pain, it is advisable to:

Avoid fatty foods
Drink enough fluid
Eat often, but in small portions
Lead an active lifestyle without overload
Limit gas-forming products
Eat more fruits and vegetables

When should you contact your doctor?

If your baby is under 3 months old
If the pain is accompanied by diarrhea or vomiting
If the child cannot go to the toilet, especially if there is vomiting
If there is blood in your vomit or stool
If the pain is sudden and very severe
If the child is being treated in oncology
If your stomach is tense and painful
If the pain occurs after an injury
If your child has difficulty breathing

Consult your doctor in the following situations:

Abdominal pain does not go away within 24 hours
Abdominal pain lasts more than 1 week, even if it comes and goes
The child complains of a burning sensation during urination
Accompanied by unexplained weight loss
Vomiting continues for more than 12 hours
Diarrhea lasts more than 2 days
No appetite for more than 2 days
Temperature above 38°C

What to expect during a visit to the doctor?

To ensure that your visit to the pediatrician is not in vain, be prepared to answer the following questions:

Where exactly does your stomach hurt? Everywhere? Right or left, top, bottom? Around the belly button?
What other symptoms accompany abdominal pain?
Is the pain sharp, dull, constant, or comes in waves? How long does it last?
Does the child wake up due to pain at night?
Have there been similar episodes before? How long did they last?
Does the pain get worse over time?
Does pain depend on food or drink intake?
Is the pain related to specific foods (milk, soda)?
Does the child feel better after defecation?
Does the pain get worse after stress?
Was the child injured?

In addition to the examination and physical examination, you can expect that your child will need blood, urine, and stool tests, as well as ultrasonography organs abdominal cavity, CT scan(CT) or x-ray examination.

You may need to consult other specialists.