The teenager fell in love. Signs. So what should parents do? How to Know If You're in Love (for Teens) - wikiHow What to Do If Your Teenager Has a Crush

Everyone understands perfectly well that the first time we fall in love remains in our memory for a long time. We often forget about the time when we become parents. And when a child admits that he has fallen in love, at times we find ourselves completely unprepared for such a turn of events. Especially if it happened at a very young age.

Often adults are openly perplexed and express their indignation: “What kind of love is that at this age!” And if the object of a child’s adoration is not as good as we would like, some parents try to “open the eyes” of their child by having many conversations on the topic “he is not right for you.” The result is mutual disagreement and tension in relationships.

What do family psychologists say about this?

A very difficult age is 14-16 years. At this age, negativism is acutely manifested, all conversations of parents become doubtful. A teenager can even say that his parents are getting into his soul. He creates relationships with the opposite sex for the sake of his self-affirmation or withdraws into himself. The opinions of peers and friends play an important role.

It is very important for a teenager to be admired and envied by others. Such an object of admiration could be a handsome young man or an attractive girlfriend. Sometimes a child starts a relationship just to seem like an adult. Whatever your motives, try to suppress your parental fervor and adhere to the following rules.

First: be sure to meet your teenager’s chosen one or chosen one. There is no need to jump to hasty conclusions without talking to the person. Maybe he is as bad as you thought at first glance.

Second: hold back criticism and complaints.. There is no need to point out to the child many times that this young man is not a match for him. This will only make the situation worse. It’s better to try to get him into a friendly, frank conversation to understand what attracted him so much.

Third: do not turn a frank conversation into a moral lesson. With lectures and reproaches you will only lower his self-esteem. In such a situation, it is better to sincerely praise him. Tell him about his merits, and he will look for a worthy partner for himself.

Fourth: give him the opportunity to make mistakes.. It's no secret that falling in love for the first time can lead to painful and painful experiences. But believe me, it is difficult to protect a child from harm in advance. So wouldn't it be better to give him the opportunity to gain his own experience?

Fifth: do not try to quarrel lovers. If you cannot approve of your child's choice, then at least respect your own teenager. Remember that when you get involved in a loving relationship, you risk being guilty of all his failures. Even after many years, he can remember you how you destroyed his fragile feelings.

Sixth: be sure to talk about contraception. Of course, the thought that a very young child will experience the joys of sexual intercourse is unlikely to please anyone. It’s not uncommon for adults to prefer not to think about it, because it’s still very early. But you don’t have to be an ostrich and stick your head in the sand. Today's teenagers grow up very quickly. And lack of knowledge, increased hormonal levels and emotions can play a cruel joke. So, it's helpful to talk in advance. After all, then it may already be too late.

Seventh: if you categorically do not like the child’s choice, try to explain to him that first love is not always eternal. And the object of his love is not the only person on this planet. And maybe not even ideal. Let him understand that life path still to come.

One last thing: Be a sincere and true friend to your teenager.. After all, he is just learning about adult life, and good advice from adults will help him cope with his first love.

Cure for Love

More than once I have had to complain that parents refuse the opportunity to discuss the problems of their teenage children with specialists, that they prefer to make do with educational, “home” measures where psychological correction, and sometimes the help of a psychiatrist, is required. However, it happens that the difficulties with which people turn to me for advice seem, at first glance, to be quite mundane and the psychiatrist seems to have nothing to do here.

- Help! - the parents of a fourteen-year-old boy ask me almost in unison. - He is in love, and this love of his makes the whole family unable to live!

It turns out: the boy is in love with his classmate. His love is unrequited; the girl not only does not encourage him, but demonstratively neglects him and flirts with others. He literally pursues her with his hopeless feeling: he writes letters, explains himself, sighs, fights with rivals... And he suffers seriously. This story has been going on for three years now, and during this time the boy has changed a lot - he has become gloomy, irritable and even embittered, and has lost interest in everything except the object of his love. My studies became very bad, I lost friends - and completely ruined my relationship with my parents.

“They are all against me, they don’t want to understand me, and my younger sister generally mocks me all the time!” It's very difficult for me...

The parents had been alarmed for a long time; they turned to a psychic for help in one of the Moscow centers; The psychic, in addition to his own influence, suggested that he still see a psychiatrist, an employee of this center. He, explaining that “it’s a matter of age,” prescribed tranquilizers, which the boy had to take on his own, so he always had the pills with him... When he was once again rudely rejected in front of everyone, the pills seemed to him the surest way to punish the cruel... He took only a few pieces, suffered little damage, but made a lot of noise at school, and his parents rushed to psychiatrists and psychologists. For a cure for love? It may seem so, but only at first glance.

The thing is that teenagers are prone to experiences that in professional language are called extremely valuable. The grip of such experiences can be so strong that it completely disrupts the life of a teenager: he does not sleep, does not eat, neglects his studies, becomes nervous and embittered, withdraws and isolates himself from life. But these, you say, are signs of love at any age? And hopeless love unsettles not only teenagers...

It is true, however, it happens that love experiences, when they are of an overvalued nature, indicate the presence of a mental disorder in a teenager, often very serious. Yes, strong hobbies are generally characteristic of a teenager: a passionate adoration of musical idols, a reckless desire to change one’s appearance, a binge-watching hobby for computer games, and much more. But when such hobbies become overvalued, this is an alarming sign; especially if they are combined with other neurotic symptoms...

This turned out to be the case in this case as well. It turned out that my patient, a rather pretty and well-built boy, has long been developing deep dissatisfaction with his appearance: he does not consider himself a freak, but considers his appearance unmasculine. The face, he believes, requires radical alteration; In response to my cautious proposal to grow a beard over time to gain the necessary masculinity, he said: this is not enough; the only possible way out is Plastic surgery. However, now he is more worried about something else: some kind of rash has appeared on his skin, and he is afraid that he has become infected. How? Syphilis - from a handshake... There is a girl at school who “goes with everyone”; so - from her. He’s afraid to admit to his parents that he constantly thinks about it; I lost sleep and I'm in a really bad mood...

Well, the picture is gradually becoming clearer. It seems that my patient really needs help - neurotic fears, overvalued experiences, although not a serious, but a suicidal attempt. This requires both psychiatric intervention and psychotherapy.

Once again we have to be convinced: at first glance, problems may look ordinary and purely everyday - but you need to be on your guard. We must remember: a teenager’s mental balance is very precarious; his feelings are often no less strong than those of an adult. A fragile psyche is easily disturbed, especially under the pressure of the shocks that love brings with it, and the teenager literally falls ill.

Of course, it is hardly possible to cure love; and certainly not to a psychiatrist. It is important, however, not to miss the moment when the extremely valuable experiences of youthful love signal mental disorder. Then, probably, you can think about a “cure for love”...

“...We haven’t heard about love these summers”

I have a mother and daughter at my medical-psychological consultation. The woman says confusedly and excitedly: she has an acute conflict with her daughter, she is “all in love and romance,” doesn’t think about anything else, doesn’t want to listen to anything. Less than a month had passed since she had an abortion, and again she spent the night in an unknown place. I’ve already left home twice... I lived with a friend for several days. In response to all reproaches, he repeats one thing: “We love each other and will get married as soon as possible.”

It would seem that the matter is clear... It’s just not clear why the mother brought her daughter to a medical and psychological consultation, and not to a women’s clinic. Find a contraceptive, see a gynecologist... Where is the problem for a psychotherapist? Alas, it exists. And it consists in the fact that my daughter is barely fourteen and she is studying in the eighth grade.

The mother continues to tell: even when she was very little, the girl was very flirtatious, always tried to be the center of attention of the boys, and began to put on makeup and dress up before her peers. It was clear from everything: the girl was emotional, endowed with an uncontrollable temperament - and very willful and independent. However, until recently, peace and love remained in the family, especially in the relationship between mother and daughter. The friction began about a year ago, when the girl began a whirlwind romance—and not with someone her own age. The young man is a soldier, serving in the Moscow garrison. They release him on Saturdays and Sundays; and these days the girl disappears, doesn’t spend the night at home... She goes to school, but she’s neglected her studies, she’s barely able to get straight C grades. At home - continuous explanations; several times it came to scandals, after which she again disappeared for several days. Fortunately, the relationship with her mother did not completely collapse, and when the girl became pregnant, she still trusted her mother...

“Do you,” I ask, “do you think that your mother controls you too much? Are you mad at her? “-“ No, she’s worried, I feel very sorry for her... And it’s just a matter of my age. If I were at least seventeen, everyone would be happy: he is a very good guy. And my mother likes him - she told me herself..."

Yes, indeed, parents are most acutely worried about conflicts related specifically to the sexual life of adolescents. The most reasonable and balanced people lose their heads when the slightest problem arises in this area. A colleague, the father of a beloved fourteen-year-old daughter, came running to me in complete panic: the girl fell in love, dropped out of school because of an affair, and now she is also delayed... What should I do? Should I take him to a gynecologist to “get it checked” or not? He consulted with all his friends, they said: “It can’t be, you have such a good girl.” With great difficulty I managed to dissuade my father from “checking”; I had to explain to him how humiliating such a procedure would be for a girl. Psychological trauma in an already difficult situation can be unbearable and push the girl to a desperate decision. However, I was unable to convince him that the delay is his daughter’s personal matter and that it cannot be discussed with all her friends. The hardest thing was to explain to him that even a “good” girl can acquire sexual experience at the age of fourteen - and this will not make her less “good”. "No! Fourteen years is early!

But who will determine the right time? Every person has his own. And it depends on many reasons: not least on temperament, but also on the situation in the family, on the attitudes and views of those who surround the child, on their relationships. And a lot more... But, be that as it may, every person, even if he depends on you for everything, even if he is your child, deserves respect for his feelings. He cannot be ignored, he cannot be humiliated - no matter how scared and angry you are...

In love experiences, unbridled emotionality, instability of mood, and inadequacy of a teenager’s self-esteem are especially clearly manifested. In addition, each of them believes: his personal situation is unique, it is impossible for others to understand it; the teenager becomes immersed in his experiences, becomes lonely and very, very vulnerable.

But it also happens completely differently: as if there is no love - the feelings, in our opinion, are more than superficial. And at the same time - passionate curiosity and the desire to get new, thrilling sensations at any cost; through sex first. In professional parlance this is called sensory craving; it develops with a disorder of desires, is characteristic of especially excitable and unstable adolescents and is often a sign of mental pathology. Deviant behavior (including promiscuity) can often mask teenage depression. The sudden emergence of violent sexuality, disrupting the life of a previously quiet and constrained teenager, perhaps serves as a signal of mental disorder; and then a psychiatrist and psychologist are, perhaps, really more needed than a gynecologist.

You should think about the situation calmly, without panic, because every person has the right to privacy - including your child. And love conflicts sometimes drive an adult into a corner... The most important thing is not to lose the child’s trust: after all, the moment will certainly come when he will need your help and support.

And you shouldn’t try on what’s happening to him on your own - your fourteen years were twenty, or even thirty years ago; then a lot of things were different. Different times, different morals...

Previous conversation Next conversation

So, your teenager fell in love for the first time. You began to notice how he or she combs their hair in a new way, is nervous about clothes and eats poorly... But at the same time, the child flies like a butterfly and sings all the love songs. And then this soaring suddenly stopped. First love turned out to be a disappointment. Your words and actions during this period are very important. You can’t even imagine how the first unsuccessful relationship experience can affect the rest of your adult life...

Dad can proudly blurt out: “Son! Yes, you will have thousands of them!” Mom with good intentions will say: “Daughter, you have such fools...” The older brother will laugh, and the grandmother will fatten her up, saying that all these girls only want one thing...

Just remember one thing. The boy or girl you like is your teenager’s choice. And there won't be thousands of them. And he is not a fool. And it’s very difficult for the child at this moment. Let's look at how to act in different situations and with different degrees of love, even the first one.

Photo by Getty Images

Love and tears "on the poster"

“I don’t know what to do... My daughter cries in front of the laptop monitor while watching films with Evan Peters. Who is it? I have no idea! Some cute boy-actor. This is some kind of deviation. There are posters and hearts with his name at home..."

Mother of 13-year-old Nastya

The fact is that the feeling of love develops in stages. And the first of them is platonic love. That is, passion for an image: a favorite actor, singer, athlete. Moms and dads must understand: without this stage, it is impossible to further develop normal relationships between a man and a woman. So encourage platonic hobbies. Otherwise, having not played enough of them, adult women “get stuck” at the stage of being infatuated with the image. Hence the many years of falling in love with married men and men according to one external type.

What to do: calm down. This is fine. And temporarily. Girls who have experienced “poster” love adapt better in relationships with boys. They are not so jealous of the chosen ones.

Photo by Getty Images

Good kids fall in love with bad kids

“Our boy is so smart. Excellent student, athlete. And he got involved with a girl from the next door, who smokes, swears, and has a family... How could this happen? What did she do to him?

Parents of 15-year-old Sasha

Remember: good children must have good self-esteem. Low self-esteem leads to the fact that a teenager begins to assert himself at the expense of others. Looking for a girl who is “cooler” and more mature. The one who begins to evaluate him differently than demanding parents. Praise your child, tell him how wonderful he is. Gradually talk about how wonderful it is to have someone next to you who shares his hobbies, also looks at the world, plays music and reads. This is for example.

What to do: It’s not scary if a teenager chooses the “wrong” girlfriend, but parents should not allow him to be in the company of a girl who can introduce him to alcohol and drugs or involve him in risky or illegal actions. In such cases, it is necessary to intervene and put an end to such a “romance”. But if the teenager is not in moral or physical danger, let him deal with his girlfriends himself. It's important that he accepts the right decision.

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Endless Love…

“The teenager has completely changed with this love... He is late for school. Comes home late. There's nothing we can do. He just snaps. He spends all his time with this girl, asking for money for movies and cafes. Locks himself in the room with her. I abandoned my studies..."

Mother of ninth grader Kirill

We congratulate you on your son's first love. But all behavioral deviations are not at all connected with the appearance of a girl. Boundaries are the basis of human relationships. No boundaries - there will be no maturity, security and personal growth. Creating boundaries and keeping them intact is what is important with a teenager.

What to do: First of all, this is the border of returning home. You must announce the time. At ten o'clock in the evening. There will be a war. But you will win.

The child himself will be grateful to you, even if he never expresses this gratitude out loud

For him, the feeling of control and guardianship has not only practical, but also psychological significance: he feels the stability of his life, its reliability, feels the firmness of his parents, feels that they are ready to bear responsibility for him. Don't raise your voice. Set boundaries about school and studying. After all, everything else is no longer so important.

Photo by Getty Images

I was abandoned. He chose another...

“For the second day, my daughter hasn’t eaten anything. First love, and the boy began dating her friend. I'm very afraid for her. She just cries and sleeps. She doesn’t need any words of consolation, she drives me away..."

Mother of 16-year-old Yulia

You won’t be able to explain anything... The child understands everything as it is. But the reason is not in the head, but in emotions. Therefore, we suffer, worry, and cry together. If a child wants to hug, we hug. You can only give support, attention and contact. And don’t say that the guy is bad or that all this will soon pass... Only aggression will appear. A teenager in love suffers “here and now.” He cannot see the future in this state. This is the most “terrible” moment in his life.

What to do: first love is the first personal test for a person. Rehearsal and the emergence of mature feelings. It's like an artist's job: the finishing touch is very important. First love is very honest and touching. The boy and the girl do not yet fully understand and accept each other. They love... the very love that arose in them. The meaning of the first feeling is precisely this - to learn to manage your emotions, express feelings, and at the same time receive lessons in communicating with the opposite sex, learn to care about someone, show tenderness and attention. Negative experiences of rejection are also important. It is this experience that allows you to react correctly to difficulties in the future, to be careful with your actions, to know who to trust, who to love. Let your child get vaccinated. But you must empathize, be with him at this moment, go through this tragedy together.

Tell your teenager this story.

One famous doctor said: “Even the deepest depression (resentment, pain) must end someday. You just have to live - day by day. Even if it’s very difficult, live today. Only today!”

The next day he said the same thing.

The content of the article:

The love of teenagers is the first delightful feeling for them and an extraordinary test of the strength of their parents. At this age, the younger generation sees everything exclusively in rosy colors and wonderful prospects. Consequently, emotionally immature individuals are sometimes unable to adequately assess the love situation that has arisen in their lives. Adults need to help them figure this out, but they need to do what they want with maximum wisdom.

Signs of falling in love in adolescence

First of all, this question interests parents whose children have begun to grow up. Love in adolescence can be determined by adults by the following signs that indicate the event that occurred:

• Spending leisure time outside the home. If a child previously devoted the lion's share of his free time to computer games or reading educational literature, then he definitely did not develop any amorous interest. Otherwise, the teenager will begin to try, whenever possible, to leave his native walls in an unknown direction, while inventing all sorts of reasons. Alarmed parents will try to stop this behavior of their growing offspring, which is definitely not worth doing. As a result, trust between the child and the adult generation of the family will simply disappear, which will then be difficult to regain. You just need to clearly communicate to your rebel lover how much time he can spend outside the home.
• Secret conversations on the phone. IN Lately Rarely does a teenager not have his own personal means of communication. Chatting with friends on mobile phone is not forbidden, so parents were calm about this fact. Their son or daughter could communicate for quite a long time with an invisible interlocutor on various youth topics. At the same time, the children were absolutely not afraid of the possibility that their parents could hear them talking about everything and nothing. If adults begin to notice that their child tries to be alone when communicating on the phone or even go outside, then everything indicates that he has his first object of interest.
• Request for more pocket money. Many parents often cannot clearly answer the question regarding providing their teenager with certain personal resources. In this case, compassionate grandparents do not even think about such a request from their adored grandson or granddaughter. However, over time, parents begin to understand that they must allocate a reasonable amount of pocket money for the needs of their child. If their maturing offspring unexpectedly asked for an increase in his “salary,” then there is no need to immediately panic about the development of addictions outside his native walls. A son who is no longer a toddler may need additional cash due to the fact that he needs to give his first lady small gifts and take her to the movies.
• Change in appearance teenager. Children usually, when developing their first romantic feelings for a member of the opposite sex, dramatically change their attitude towards their hairstyle and wardrobe. A period of obvious changes in their appearance begins, which often frightens parents who are alarmed by what is happening. There is no need to be afraid of this fact if everything remains within the limits of what is reasonable and aesthetically acceptable. Prohibitions on this matter will only cause protest from a son or daughter, who in the future may turn from obedient children into rebels.
• Deterioration in academic performance. All people in love have their head in the clouds and pay little attention to what is happening around them. The first romantic feeling is a serious test for the not yet fully formed psyche of a teenager. He is not yet ready to concentrate his attention on serious things when his head is clouded with love experiences. As a result, the growing child begins to devote less time to preparing for training sessions, and all his previous achievements in this area may deteriorate significantly.
• Changing a teenager's preferences. If your beloved child was hit by Cupid's first arrow, then the formerly predictable teenager can radically change his behavior. The daughter, who was interested in fantasy films, suddenly begins to become interested in melodramas about great and bright love. The son, after systematically familiarizing himself with the latest “boyish” music and spending time in computer games suddenly stops being interested in it. If, with this factor, he begins to soar in the clouds when listening to romantic ballads, then this is a sure sign that the first feeling has come to him.
• Finding contraceptives by parents. Usually, a caring mother clutches her heart and begins to consume huge quantities of sedatives when she finds condoms in her “baby” son’s pocket. In this case, experts advise letting the situation take its course and silently putting the found contraceptive back in place. However, it is still worth remembering the age limits for the beginning of learning about this adult side of life. In a family where there is trust and the teenager is informed about sex, venereal diseases and unplanned pregnancy, there will be no disaster when the child grows up. Otherwise, the situation may reach a critical point, as in the Yugoslav film of the late 80s “It's Time to Love,” when ignorance of many issues turned into tragedy.

1. Enjoy the occasional youth. This period of personality formation will never be repeated, so you should gratefully accept everything that will become an invaluable life experience in the future. First love is a wonderful feeling, the memories of which many people keep in their hearts for many years.
2. Don't lose yourself in the person you like. No matter how much you like the first object of passion in your life, you should also remember your interests. If you like soul music, but your chosen one prefers hard rock, then this is not at all a signal to radically change your preferences. People prefer to communicate only with those individuals who remain themselves in all situations.
3. Ask your parents for help. If first love is an unrequited feeling, then you should talk as openly as possible with the older generation of the family. Don’t be ashamed of your accumulated emotions, because parents with a wealth of experience will understand everything and give practical advice. Sometimes it’s easier to even talk to your grandparents; their help and support should also not be rejected.
4. Don't forget about your plans for the future. The first feeling is not at all a reason to give up your favorite hobby and forget about studying. If the chosen one responded with mutual sympathy, then he must respect the developed prospects for the future of the person he liked. If he is of little interest in this fact, then is it worth continuing to communicate with such an indifferent and selfish person?
5. Don't isolate yourself. Many people go through unrequited love, later remembering this difficult life period with a smile. If the object of passion does not reciprocate, then this must be accepted with dignity. Making new acquaintances and spending time with friends will help you get rid of gloomy thoughts. Self-flagellation and withdrawal into oneself will only aggravate the current difficult situation.
6. Be careful. Only the teenager himself decides when he is old enough to begin sexual activity. There is no need to rush into this, because often with a fully formed body nervous psyche of a person in love remains under development and improvement. If the chosen one insists on intimacy, then you should tell him a clear and categorical “no.” This means that the person you like does not value the feelings and desires of other people and you should stay away from him.

Recommendations for parents on behavior with a teenager in love

It should always be remembered in any situation that adults should be a friend to their child, and not his supervisor. Therefore, they need to think about how to behave at the first signs of infatuation with someone in their children.

Prohibitions for parents when controlling a teenager in love

• Criticism of the chosen one. Making fun of a child’s choice from the height of one’s life experience is an unworthy and illogical activity on the part of an adult. Parents may categorically dislike the object of their offspring’s adoration, but this is solely the problem of the fathers and mothers themselves. Such behavior will only alienate the child, because for him his first feeling is sacred and inviolable.
• Devaluation of a teenager's sympathy. The next extreme on the part of adults is to persistently remind the teenager that he is not yet ripe for Serious relationships. Ideally, such parents want to send their growing child back to play in the sandbox, because they see him exclusively as a baby. The main argument of family dictators for ignoring the feelings of their son or daughter is the phrases “get a passport first” and “finish school (lyceum) first.” The most disastrous argument would be an adult’s argument along the lines of “in our time, we thought about studying, and not about all sorts of nonsense.”
• Prohibition of communication with the chosen one. One of the most ineffective ways to eradicate a child’s love is a voiced method of influence. In this case, it is very easy to lose the trust of a loved one, and it is almost impossible to change the situation in your favor. The ban will further encourage the stubborn person to secret meetings, which can end very badly.
• Searching a teenager's belongings. If the child has grown up, then this is not at all a reason for parents to turn into a professional bloodhound. It is imperative to control your children so that an era of permissiveness does not begin in the family. However, some adults who are overly self-confident in their abilities consider it the norm to re-read their offspring’s correspondence in in social networks, gut his phone and room in search of incriminating evidence. Any mature person would be indignant at this fact, but we should not forget that a teenager also has the right to his personal space.

Note! The mistakes of adults primarily have a negative impact on the future fate of their offspring. You cannot make your beloved child happy by force, requiring him to act according to the model of behavior created by his parents. Similar behavior in best case scenario will end in protest on the part of the teenager, and at worst - in neurosis and even a suicide attempt.

Correct actions of parents towards a teenager

1. Meeting your chosen son or daughter. In this case, no one talks about the need to organize family shows. A dinner party would also be inappropriate, since no one is going to marry their children in love in the near future. The best way out of this situation would be an invitation to the house for a tea party, during which you should study the chosen one of your offspring with maximum tact.
2. Getting to know the child's immediate environment. Wise parents always know with whom their child spends his leisure time. Teenagers can be quite secretive people, but with proper analysis of their behavior, you can easily find out about the teenager’s existing friends. Psychologists advise organizing a party at home on the occasion of some significant event and inviting your son or daughter to invite their friends to it. However, you shouldn’t hover over the guests like a kite, creating only an awkward situation. With correct behavior and maximum tact, it is possible to easily determine who has become a teenager’s friends, and even figure out his secret passion.
3. Frank conversation about the chosen one. If a child seriously likes someone, it means that he was attracted to some character trait or behavior. In this case, you can play spy, carefully learning about the reason for the teenager’s choice. As a result, a situation may arise that parents will be horrified by the verbal description of the object of passion and worship that has appeared in their child’s life. Having gathered all their will into a fist, adults should refrain from caustic comments towards the described chosen son or daughter.
4. Allowing room for error. Many people not only learn from their mistakes and reckless behavior, but also manage to step on the same rake in the future. Therefore, you should not demand wise decisions from a teenager in amorous matters. He is not yet morally ready for a deep analysis of the relationship between the opposite sexes. However, only through your own full cones can the time of emotional maturity begin when communicating with the people you like.
5. Nostalgia for first love among parents. It's time to talk to your child about what happened many years ago before he was born. Without lectures or lectures, you should tell him about your first feelings and how they ended. Children keenly feel when adults trust them and open up themselves. The teenager will appreciate such frankness on the part of his father or mother and will continue to consult with them about his personal life.
6. Increasing your child's self-esteem. This must be done not at the expense of his chosen one, which will bring a radically opposite result to the desired one. Wise parents, seeing the obvious error in the choice of their offspring and even some of its danger, will focus on the undoubted merits of their own being. In the future, the teenager may independently understand that his beliefs and life principles have nothing in common with the worldview of the emerging admirer.

Last time we talked to you about children's love, which comes to our babies before puberty. Today I propose to discuss teenage love, try to figure out what it is, how to respond correctly to your child’s feelings and help him cope with them.

Puberty is such a complex and mysterious stage of development in the lives of adolescents. At the age of 12-16 years, our children experience intense love, becoming more absent-minded, apathetic, their mood changes at the speed of sound, and their academic performance decreases. And it is parents who in this situation must take on the role of wise mentors to help their children get through this difficult time. After all, who knows in advance, what if your teenager met his fate?

You shouldn’t take the news of falling in love as a tragedy on a global scale and throw hysterics about it with wringing of hands, fainting and terrible thoughts in the style: “Oh, it’s too early for him to fall in love, he should only have studies in his head.” Remember yourself at this age, your experiences, tossing, fear of confessing to your parents, horror at the thought that someone else besides you will find out about your feelings. Do you remember? And how did you feel? If you are lucky and your parents supported you, do the same with your child. And, if you were unlucky as a teenager, and adults just brushed you off, slapping you on the wrist and punishing you along the way (as was the case with me), you shouldn’t do the same. The opinion that “I coped and survived, and therefore you can too,” can be fatal for your child. Unfortunately, the thought of suicide due to unrequited love and misunderstanding with parents visits teenagers quite often, so they can simply brush it off and not pay attention. If you see that something is wrong with a child, try to have a heart-to-heart talk with him, frankly.

If a child falls in love, then it’s time.

You will have to come to terms with this - the child has grown up. He has grown so much that he is ready to love and accept love. And if you set boundaries: it’s too early for you or he (she) is not a match for you, you will lose the teenager’s trust. What to do, what to do? Let's turn to psychologists for help and see what they recommend.

1. To begin with, you should not elevate yourself above a teenager and put pressure on you with your parental authority - this will provoke a desire to act contrary to you.

2. Your child must understand that you are with him, that his problems are your problems, his experiences are your experiences and that you understand him perfectly.

3. You should not make fun of his feelings - they are too important for teenagers, and your ridicule can hurt him, alienating him from you.

4. Try to choose a calm form of communication so that there is no irritation or mutual aggression - children are already confused by the feelings that have arisen, and then their closest relatives and friends start scandals.

5. No one excludes the possibility that your child’s chosen one or chosen one does not entirely correspond to your parental plans - however, it’s not up to you to choose, at least not at the very least. acute period If you're in love, you certainly won't do anything. You shouldn’t make fun of his sympathy by responding unflatteringly and derogatorily; it’s better to find kind, affectionate words - it’s easy to lose a child’s trust and hard to regain.

6. Super-caring parents will immediately try to give a lecture on the topic of early sexual activity, its dangers, diseases and consequences. Undoubtedly, sex education It is necessary for teenagers, the main thing is not to overdo it and not provoke excessive interest in that very “forbidden fruit”.

7. To have a clear idea of ​​the object of your child’s adoration, invite him to visit. What will this give you? You will get to know him personally and form your own, objective opinion about him. And it’s better to let them see you at home, in front of your eyes, than somewhere in the gateways. Just don’t “strangle” the young lovers with excessive care, give them a little freedom of action.

8. Choose a good moment and tell about your first love, your experiences, how and how it all ended, what experience you gained.

9. Do not prevent a teenager from making decisions on his own, to take a better look at his object of sympathy, even if he is disappointed in him - this will be his decision, not yours.

And how can you communicate with him, a lover?

A teenager in love does not fully understand what is happening to him: hormones are seething, his mood is up and down, sometimes I love it, sometimes I hate it. Definitely, he needs your support: you are older, you are more experienced, after all, you have already been through this. And young Romeo and Juliet, who so want to be adults, are still on the path of gaining experience and your valuable advice, truthful answers to questions, openness and desire to help will be very helpful.

When a child is in love, he wants to be better, look more beautiful and neat. It's time to teach your offspring how to properly put things in a closet, how to take care of themselves, and a reminder about hygiene would be a good idea. You can go shopping together and pick up a few new things for your child, or beautiful accessories for a girl. In a word, take an active part in the transformation of the child. Your offspring will definitely not hear lectures about their deteriorating studies, but careful conversations on this topic are still worth having. Try to convey to him that quality education is an excellent start for the future and love in this matter is not a hindrance, but on the contrary, an excellent helper. Help plan your day in such a way that you can complete homework sufficient time was given.

Of course, it’s easy to give advice and you can write anything you want, but let’s talk honestly, parents. Answer me this question: Are you scared of your teenager falling in love? Why? What exactly is the source of anxiety? Fear that your child may experience unrequited love? What will suffer and do a bunch of stupid things in this state? Or do you personally not want to worry about this?

In any case, whatever your answers, remember that this is your child, but not property. And he grows, his problems and difficulties also take on a more adult character. Whether you like it or not, he is in love. And it is in your power to help him cope with this avalanche of emotions that are still incomprehensible, let the child feel that you are with him, you are nearby and will always help. Throw your fears and parental jealousy out of your head - they are not helping you. Our children deserve respect, they do not need prohibitions and boundaries, they need our support and love.

Romeo and Juliet - the other side of love.

Let's talk a little about bad habits. Above, I already cited as an example the advice of a psychologist that it is better to get to know the object of your child’s adoration in person. And if you notice that something is wrong with your chosen one, do not rush to immediately throw him out the door. It’s better to talk to your teenager later and try to find out in more detail who his chosen one is and from what family. The age of 14-16 years is a time of experimentation, when yesterday’s children try to imitate adults: they try smoking, get acquainted with alcohol, alas, but also with drugs. And here it is important not to miss the moment when a teenager turns from an interested person to an addict.

Sports, all kinds of interest groups, sections - this is the distraction that will help you protect your teenager from an early acquaintance with adult life. There is no point in scolding, punishing, and even more so beating. As I wrote above, this can provoke action “in spite of”. Conversations that are even better supported by relevant literature will be more effective.

Due to misunderstandings with my parents, I started smoking at the age of 13, and by the age of 15 I became acquainted with alcohol. All this was done in spite of parental prohibitions: don’t go, don’t play, stay at home and study your homework. It is a miracle that with such behavior I did not end up in bad company, but graduated from school decently and was able to enter a university and receive a higher education.

The first sexual experience is also acquired at this age: some learn to kiss, and some acquire a sexual partner. And here it is worth reminding you that conversations with your children about sex education should begin from early childhood, presenting information in accordance with the age of your child. A teenager who knows where and how children come from, what sex is and what the consequences can be is unlikely to want full intimacy at this age.

Let's summarize.

Love is, of course, always wonderful! This is a feeling that elevates a person, motivating him to take actions that were previously unusual for him. This is a set of emotions that cannot be described in one sentence, but without this feeling human life not perfect. And when our children fall in love, we should not disturb them by creating an obstacle course on the way to the object of their affection. Help them, so young and inexperienced, teach them to respect their chosen ones, to appreciate, to be sensitive and attentive, and caring.

Remember, dear parents, that now you are helping your child learn to love, and how closely and sincerely you take part in his life depends on how he will build relationships with the opposite sex in adulthood.