How to learn to communicate in a company. How to learn to talk to people: the psychology of cultural and competent communication. How to communicate with people correctly: psychology for a perfectionist

The psychology of communication with people is a branch of psychology that studies the characteristics of types of communication, determining the basic rules that contribute to the success of the interviewer. It is also aimed at eliminating difficulties in dialogue and fear of communicating with people.

One of the basic rules of communication is not only speech. The emotional tone of the conversation is also considered important. Learning to be a good conversationalist is very simple; you just need to understand the principles and rules on which the psychology of communicating with people is based.

Communication is one of the main social functions of society.

Classification of communication:

• Friendly.
• Intimate.
• Business.

Communication is contact between people for the purpose of exchanging information and experience to conduct joint activities.

The art of communication is one of the main and significant life experiences that people should have. This does not depend on social status, place of work or lifestyle, because the psychology of communicating with people is present in any conversation. Facial expression, gestures, facial expressions and intonation indirectly affect the interlocutor during a conversation.

It is much easier for a person who knows the basic principles of communication to present the necessary information in the right direction, achieve certain results and achieve success in communicating with people.

People skills as the key to successful authority

In order to learn how to communicate correctly, understand your interlocutor and convey information beneficial to yourself during the conversation, scientists have identified a number of rules, the observance of which will help you find harmony in any conversation.

Communication according to the rules of psychology highlights a number of tips that will help you establish contact with your interlocutor and hone your personal skills in this difficult matter.

First of all, when communicating, you need to make it clear to your interlocutor that your opinion of him is good. This will position him for positive communication, but you should also provide your authority.

The presentation of information must be accessible and understandable to others. It is recommended to use emotional coloring when speaking, but in moderation. When having one-on-one conversations, you should adapt to your interlocutor, this will help win him over.

A true show of interest in the interlocutor. It will help create a trusting environment during the conversation.

An invaluable quality of a person is the ability to ask leading questions that contribute to the further conclusion of the necessary information. And don’t forget that when talking with people you need to be able to listen to your interlocutors.

By following the basic rules and communication skills and having self-confidence, you can easily achieve stunning results and become one of the best interlocutors.

Basic rules for the psychology of communicating with a girl

Every educated person knows about the rules of communication, decency, etiquette, and so on, the violation of which is unacceptable in society. For men there are also certain rules, the observance of which will help to appear before the fair sex in the best light.

10 rules for communicating with a girl:

1. Positive attitude.
2. Remain a man.
3. Self confidence.
4. Don't be intrusive.
5. Surprise.
6. Give compliments.
7. The ability to listen and hear.
8. Active communication.
9. Comprehensive development.
10. Determination.

After familiarizing yourself with the rules, you should determine the basic ones and half the success is in your pocket.

The main secrets of successful communication with a girl:

• Establishing a connection.
• Finding a clue.
• Interesting topic of conversation.
• Do not cheat.
• Keep the conversation going.
• Interesting questions.
• Talk about a girl.
• Correct pauses.

Also, do not forget that sincerity and non-verbal influence are important in a conversation. The ability to carry on a conversation, both in word and deed and with a glance, will not leave more than one girl indifferent.

Reasons for fear of communicating with people and methods for eliminating them

Today there is a type of social phobia called anthropophobia. This is a disease that is accompanied obsessive state fear of people. It lies both in the fear of appearing in a large crowd of people and in communicating with people. In this case, you should seek help from specialists for elimination and treatment.

The main reasons for fear of communication:

• Low self-esteem.
• Having a negative experience.
• Lack of communication experience.

Having identified the causes, we begin to eliminate them. First, you need to understand and realize the presence of fear, and look at the situation from the outside. Accepting information about the presence of fear will allow you to begin to work on this problem. Here you should convince yourself that this is not an abstract fear, but a false belief about its existence.

Do not forget that the formation of certain qualities, skills and abilities of various methods and techniques of communication occurs only with experience. Therefore, there is no need to be afraid. Start communicating with loved ones or for small audiences, gradually increasing your capabilities.

How good of a conversationalist do you think you are? How long have you had awkward pauses in a conversation? A few tips described in this material will help you become a better conversationalist, and awkward pauses will become a thing of the past. Being a good communicator is just a combination various methods communication. Body language, a few tricks and you can easily carry on a conversation with any people.

Start with a question

Do you want a person to remember you? Ask him an interesting question and listen carefully. This will give you the opportunity to make friends.

Find out other people's opinions

Eg:

• Could you recommend me a good cocktail?
• Do you know the city well? Can you tell me a good restaurant?
• Where did you buy this phone/accessory/clothing?
• What do you think about this party?

Applying Economic Concepts to Conversation

Imagine that your conversation is a bank. If you have a lot of investments, then things are going well. If loans are more than investments, then something needs to be changed. Transferring this metaphor to communication, we get this.

Emotional Investment

1. Agree with your interlocutor
2. Correct body language
3. Use the other person's name
4. Tell jokes
5. Encourage your interlocutor's ideas
6. Listen attentively
7. Ask for an opinion

Emotional loans

1. Disagree with your interlocutor
2. Incorrect body language
3. Talk a lot about yourself
4. Flattery
5. Vulgar and personal questions

Imagine that your conversation starts with zero balance and do everything to increase it!

Copying body language

Practicing copying body language can help a lot. Has your interlocutor crossed his legs? Cross yours. Did you put your hands on the table? Do the same. Everything is very simple. Timing is also very important. Wait for the moment:

• When your interlocutor says something interesting
• When you're interested
• When the other person is proud of something

And then copy it. The person will think that you empathize with him and it will be great if this is really the case.

How to talk about yourself without being terribly boring

You can be incredibly charismatic and interesting person. But, people are simply not interested in hearing about others, no matter how wonderful you are. If you continue to follow our economic concept, then you must make an emotional investment. Make your interlocutor experience emotions and he will be very interested in talking with you.

Change the depth of the conversation

Do you know the proverb: small minds discuss people, medium minds discuss events, and great minds discuss ideas? Use it. Start small and make fun of someone, then get their opinion about an event, and then move on to ideas related to that event. Eg:

Introduction: Hello, how was your day?

Event: Are you planning something with Katya for Valentine's Day?

Idea: I saw an article online about how we have perverted Valentine's Day from its traditional meaning.

Ask the other person to be interesting

Every person is interesting in their own way, but few really reveal themselves. So give them a chance to open up and they will only think about you. Here's a simple example:

Tell me something interesting about yourself.

This is a great conversation starter that will make you seem more attentive and at the same time give you the opportunity to learn something really interesting about the person.

How to ask people what they do

How do you spend your time when you're not...?

Instead of being empty, there should be something at the end that you know about the person. Here are some examples:

How do you spend your time when you're not writing your exciting blog?

How do you spend your time when you're not on Facebook?

How do you spend your time when you're not going to the gym?

Be a good listener

If you asked me to give one piece of advice on how to become a good communicator, this would be it. This is the most important part. Listen to the person. Be genuinely interested in what he has to say. Lead your interlocutor's story with your questions. Be interested in him and he will be interested in you in return.

Conversation pace

In general, a fast pace of conversation is a sign of nervousness and excitement, while a moderate pace is a sign of confidence. Therefore, try to speak at a moderate pace, but if your interlocutor speaks at a fast pace, copy him and speak the same way.

Change the topic of conversation correctly

This has happened to everyone: you are discussing something with someone you know, but then a third person bursts into your conversation and turns the whole conversation in their direction. It's terribly annoying. But only if you're doing it wrong. You must make an emotional investment at the end of your monologue. This will distract attention and you won't look like an idiot by changing the subject. Example:

Chris: My son is a very good football player.

Me: Cool! You once talked about where he trained. My son recently earned a black belt in Karate and is going to Korea on a student exchange program. After all, your son trained in Korea? Can you give me some advice?

The emotional investment in this exchange was a compliment to Chris and his son. I changed the topic of conversation to the one I needed, doing it correctly.

Give the right compliments

Compliments are a very powerful tool if used correctly. The right way use of compliments - make them about what a person is proud of. Eg:

• If the person is in good shape and it is obvious that he spends a lot of time in the gym, compliment him on his figure.
• If a person is successful in their career, compliment their creativity, business acumen, or intelligence.

Don't compliment people's qualities unless they have achieved it themselves. Do not speak beautiful girl that she is beautiful. She already knows that.

Unite friends

If you are at a party or social event, you are unlikely to stand in one place. Most likely, you will move from one group of acquaintances to another. If you see people you know in different groups, don't be afraid to invite them to talk together. Do it with humor and without tension. And then your friends will remember you as a very friendly person.

Interaction with other people takes up a significant part of every person's life. For some, communication is not a particular problem, for others it is so difficult that they prefer to avoid contact. However, it is better to improve the effectiveness of communication by learning the rules and becoming more confident in yourself than to spend your life as a hermit.

How not to be afraid to communicate with people

A common reason that causes communication difficulties is fear. This is the fear of being misunderstood, of saying something stupid that “everyone will laugh at,” and the fear of a negative reaction from others. As a rule, this reason has deep roots that go back to childhood. In this case, it is recommended to remember under what conditions the phobia was formed and analyze the situation.

Other sources of the problem:

excessive modesty, shyness;
lack of self-esteem;
complexes associated with appearance;
inability to establish contact.

To learn how to communicate with people, you will have to work on yourself. To defeat fear, you need to recognize it and fight it.

At first you will have to force yourself to talk to people, so start with unfamiliar “guinea pigs”: ask on the street what time it is, how to get to the library - soon it will become easier to talk to a stranger.

Effective communication: how to become an interesting interlocutor

Difficulties arise simply because you have nothing to say. Answer honestly: can you interest yourself? How much do you know and are you able to carry on a conversation? Do you have hobbies and interests? If you answered “yes” to at least the last question, then everything is not so bad. Quite the contrary, because you have a chance to communicate with people online on forums dedicated to the topic of interest. There are several advantages to this:

there will be no fear here,
It’s easier to communicate among like-minded people,
if you are an expert, then your opinion will be listened to and respected, and this always has a positive effect on self-esteem.

In the future, this communication can be continued in real life.

To understand how to learn to communicate with people easily and simply, at a minimum, there must be a topic for communication. Learn something new every day, develop yourself, form your own opinion about events. Discuss with your loved ones the last book you read, the movie you liked - share your emotions and thoughts.

Don’t be afraid to say something stupid – you’ll be surprised, but people do it all the time, under the guise of confidence in their own rightness, so they inspire confidence in others.

How to communicate freely: 4 exercises

The first basic rule is a good mood. Nobody likes to communicate with whiners and bores. Therefore, you should not take out negative emotions on others. Create your own mood - start your morning with a smile at the reflection in the mirror, a delicious breakfast, and your favorite music. Stop complaining and learn to see more of the good.

Learn to understand other people without words. Guess the emotions on the faces of passers-by, determine what a person who has a particular facial expression might feel. Training in front of a mirror can also help here - depict different feelings and watch how your facial expressions change.

This is important, because the intonation with which the same phrase is pronounced determines how it will be perceived.

Sign up for a public speaking course. Even if you don't have to speak in public (although communication, in essence, is such a speech), you will learn to construct phrases and express thoughts correctly.

How to communicate correctly: what does psychology teach?

Even if you have lacked basic communication skills since childhood, they can be developed.

What do you need to pay attention to to make communicating with people easier?

Developing confidence. Self-confidence is a sign successful person, and such people attract the attention of others, arouse interest and a desire to communicate.
Endear. A simple way to build trust in your interlocutor is to make eye contact when communicating. If a person looks away, this may indicate that he is lying, and this is recognized on a subconscious level. Looking into the eyes has a hypnotic effect. At the same time, remember that looking too long can be regarded as aggressive behavior or a challenge, so it is extremely important to control the timbre of your voice and intonation during a conversation.
Address the person you are talking to by name. For a person there is no sound more pleasant than given name. That's how we are made.
Proper conversation. Ask questions that can be answered in detail, as well as supplemented with additional questions. Here, too, it is important not to overdo it - so that the dialogue does not resemble an interrogation.
Don't be afraid of rejection. Difficulties in communication can be caused by fear of rejection, which reinforces existing self-doubt. Take it for granted - any answer is a result. Refusal is only a reason to look for another solution to the problem. It should not affect your self-esteem in any way - at least you don’t know true reasons, for which the interlocutor did not agree. The feeling of fear limits a person. For motivation, watch the Jim Carrey movie “Always Say Yes.”

How to learn to communicate with people - Carnegie's book

Dale Carnegie's advice is a classic in the psychology of communication. People facing communication problems find answers in them. These are effective and simple recommendations that will help you establish contact with any (adequate) person.

Don't set yourself a goal of learning how to communicate with people in a week or a month. This may take much longer, but you will notice small changes after just a few “training” conversations. Treat it like an accomplishment. homework that needs to be done. At the same time, keep yourself relaxed, without unnecessary emotions that indicate anxiety.

I believe, dear readers, you don’t need to explain how important it is to be able to communicate with people - to communicate competently, with benefit for yourself, and not just chaotically exchange information with them, without any specific purpose. Communication must be learned from an early age in order to master this art perfectly. Then a person’s life will become much simpler and more interesting. Over the years of working as a psychologist, I have been convinced many times that many problems that people are unable to solve on their own stem from their inability to find a common language with other people. Our language is not only our enemy, as the popular proverb says, our language, dear friends, is, first of all, our ally, it is our weapon in the world of people, and a tool that we must be able to use effectively. We will analyze this skill within the framework of this article, after reading which, I am sure, you will be able to significantly increase the productivity of your communication, and therefore transform your life.

Be patient, don’t rush, read the article thoughtfully, because with my usual detailed analysis of everything, I will try to explain to you all the main aspects of successful communication, having learned which, you will understand the essence of the general meaning of competent communication, which is useful. So, speaking about communicating with people, we should clarify this concept somewhat, that is, people who, as you already know correctly, are all different, and the situations in which you can communicate with them can also be different, and therefore the conversation should will be built differently in each individual case. Therefore, I suggest that you identify the main group of people, which we usually call the majority, and in relation to this group, use all the subsequent communication techniques that I will tell you about.

Of course, we cannot consider each person individually, which is why psychology divides people into groups for better study, but still, no matter how many of these groups there are, the main group is people who grew up in a certain environment, with certain views on life, with a certain education, mentality and some others distinctive features. Our interlocutor in this case is a person with a secondary, usually education, with a moderately brainwashed by television and other media, with a depressed psyche to a certain extent, most often a materialist to a greater extent, a person with an irrational type of thinking, well and with a number of other qualities, the enumeration of which does not make much sense. That is, this is a person who is more or less adequate from a general point of view, with whom you can communicate, whom you can meet every day in various places, but not with outstanding mental abilities.

So our interlocutor is a person whom you and I can attribute to the majority of people, and not to exceptional individuals whom we perceive in a special way. This is very important, friends, to determine with whom we will communicate, because we cannot communicate with everyone in the same way; in some cases, communication is not required at all, because there are people who understand other languages. Having decided on the interlocutor in a mass concept, let’s look at what such an interlocutor expects from communicating with us, because from our point of view we can plan any conversation plan, but we can only receive a positive response if we find a response inside the person with whom we communicate. Does our interlocutor need our attention, obviously yes, pay attention to how often you pay attention to the people with whom you communicate, do you notice their reaction, do you pay attention to their mood, do you evaluate them as a physical object, standing in front of you, but as a person with his inner world?

If not, then you will not hear even half of what they will answer you or say themselves, and taking into account the fact that the majority we have identified has a depressed psyche, without seeing insight on your part, they will run into a wall of misunderstanding and no desire to understand them, and therefore, in response, they will build their own. Such a dialogue will be similar to communication between two televisions, and not two people trying to understand each other. Now let's look at what your average interlocutor does not need and what many so often throw out during any conversation - he does not need your problems. Yes, friends, for the most part we didn’t give a damn about each other’s problems, we strive to solve our own problems, and often unsuccessfully, doing it both on our own and resorting to the help of other people, dumping on them in conversation a bunch of unsolved problems that In fact, no one wants to decide for us.

Actually, this is what distinguishes psychologists from non-psychologists; we don’t give a damn about those people with whom we communicate, who turn to us for help. And quite often we have to get so involved in someone else’s life and in other people’s problems in this life, with which a person came to us, that then we have absolutely no strength left to simply feel like ourselves. That's why. By the way, psychologists themselves often need the help of their colleagues, because they are completely overloaded with the problems of others. I do not suggest that you think about the problems of all the people with whom you communicate; do this only in relation to those who are truly interesting to you. In relation to others, it is enough just to pretend that you are interested in them and their problems, that you sincerely worry about them and that you have a desire to help them, just don’t be false, otherwise you will cause suspicion and irritation. You should keep your problems to yourself, don’t dump them like a pile of garbage on the first person you meet, if you can’t cope with them yourself, contact a psychologist, our job is to solve other people’s problems, we often experience the lives of other people in order to best help to a person.

But strangers have no use for this, they don’t need your problems, they don’t even care how you’re doing, they’re not interested in your health and tragedies in your personal life, they’re not interested in you at all. Even if your relative has died, and your work colleague has a minor promotion, it will be more interesting for him to discuss his promotion rather than console you in your grief. So remember, even if people pretend that they are interested in you, in the vast majority of cases they are not, is it even worth sharing your personal life with them? In fact, it’s worth it, but only in order to gain their trust, and your personal life in communication should be discussed in the proportions of ten percent to ninety, or a maximum of twenty percent to eighty, I think you can guess in which direction the advantage lies. Yes, friends, ninety percent of your communication with other people is a discussion of their lives, their problems, their successes, in general, everything that concerns them, and the rest is about you, so as not to seem suspicious, you are not a typical interlocutor in such a way. case.

Speaking of suspicion, if they are interested in you, if the interlocutor is interested in you, if he is mostly silent and only asks questions, that is, he is interested in you and your problems, this is very, very suspicious. It is quite possible that this is a manipulator or someone who, for his own selfish purposes, is trying to gain your trust. You see what conclusion we have with regard to people who communicate correctly, what I am teaching you is what I recommend you to beware of, because a person with his inherent egoism and manner of communication will simply not communicate in a manner atypical for the majority. Well, in the meantime, we will consider another aspect of competent communication with people, which consists of listening to what they tell you. The point here is that the words that you hear from your interlocutor are not so important as what is hidden behind them, and behind them is some kind of desire of the person, they want something from you, they expect something, you need to understand what.

Any communication implies that the interlocutors need each other for something. Even the so-called conversation “about nothing” still has hidden motives, only people do not always realize this, which is why they often do not see the point in this or that communication, and do not pursue any goals, but still communicate. Just think about what a person may want from you, telling you certain things, thanks to this you will actually hear him, and therefore you will be able to respond to his urge in the way you need, giving him what he wants, refusing, or instilling in he has hope that he will get what he deserves; in short, a person must be understood correctly. If the speed of your thinking allows you, then you can play out the situation with yourself, calculating what you yourself would want from your interlocutor, telling him what he tells you. After all, we are talking about an average person, but in this average statistics to a certain extent, we all fit in with you, therefore our behavior, desires and methods of realizing them, manifested in communication, are more similar.

Having heard a person, having understood what he wants from you, the question arises of what to answer such a person so that he does not take you with hostility, unless of course you have such a goal. First of all, people expect self-respect from you, and this is impossible if in your speech you directly or indirectly question them mental capacity. On the contrary, whatever the situation, if you want to put your interlocutor on your best terms, pretend that you are delighted with him or her, let him or her know that you find them a very interesting and intelligent person. To emphasize this especially clearly, it is necessary to ask people questions that clarify their situation, clarify what they are telling you about, but do not overdo it, otherwise you will make your interlocutor nervous, seeming dull and just a drag. And so, friends, you and I have found out such points in relation to the average interlocutor, using which we can structure our dialogue in such a way as to get the maximum benefit out of it.

We should pay maximum attention to our interlocutor; we should not burden him with our problems, but rather, to the best of our ability, delve into his problems and pretend that they really bother us. Don’t burden people, listen to them, let them tell you everything, and in order not to seem suspiciously attentive and sensitive, occasionally talk about yourself and your life, don’t seem closed. In addition, you now know that most people are extremely important to your opinion of them, your respect and your interest in them, which is not really that difficult to emphasize, you just need to remember it and want it. And it is also very, very important to see what people hide behind their words, emotions in communication, gestures and other impulses in which their true desires and specific goals are hidden, covered by the words that they tell you.

Words are not so important, what is important is the meaning that people put into them and what they want to convey to you with their help, in order to achieve a certain reaction or specific actions from you. Since the topic of communicating with people is much deeper and we have not discussed all the points in this article that deserve attention and detailed study, I will definitely return to it in the future. In my deep conviction, being able to communicate competently and fruitfully with people around you is one of the most important skills in this life.

The basic principles of communication psychology are based on the literary works of researchers of human behavior in society. A number of rules developed by Dale Carnegie back in the 40s are still relevant today.

To correctly construct sentences and make a good impression on your interlocutor, use psychological techniques:

1. Be interested. Don't yawn or be smart. Show that you sympathize with the person, show interest in his activities.
2. Evoke positive emotions. Don't hide your smile. Scientists have proven that smiling people are more successful.
3. Call your friend by name. A personal appeal is a verbal compliment; this shows that the information is intended specifically for the interlocutor.
4. Be careful. An important quality is the ability not only to hear, but also to listen.

   Show respect for your opponent, ask leading questions, be surprised by the facts you hear, and show more emotions.

5. Find a common theme. Try to win favor with yourself, don’t be shy and withdraw into yourself.

   Line up friendly relations with a neighbor, and with a business partner.

6. Be sincere. Creeping and flattering is not the best move. Fake delight will only alienate your interlocutor. Praise those qualities that you truly admire in a person.

Advice! If you find it difficult to communicate with strangers, practice on the phone.

Lack of visual contact will relieve embarrassment. Call your hairdresser or beauty salon.

Prepare for the conversation in advance, make a list of questions if you get confused during the communication process.

Development of communication skills

The psychology of communication is an art. Even an introvert who keeps to himself can become the life of the party. You just need to know a few “tricks” for building relationships.

Important! Be natural, don't turn the art of communication into acting.

Nonverbal psychology

No matter how interesting the information may be, the owner must competently present its essence. Who will listen to the droning whisper of an uncertain speaker? Behavior and ability to behave in society is what will make others listen to you!

• "Language" of the eyes. Get rid of uncertainty, boldly look into the eyes of your interlocutor and show that you are interested in maintaining friendly relations.

  A shifty gaze is a sign of disrespect, showing that you are bored.

• Facial expressions. Every emotion is reflected on the face. You can even flirt only with the corner of your mouth.

  Don't talk about sad things with a smile or positive things with pursed lips. Combine internal state with external.

• Gesticulation. Nonverbal behavior is a whole science. Keep your hands at the level of your stomach or hips, crossed palms - this means stiffness and distrust of others.

  An open posture subconsciously appeals to the interlocutor. Learn to be fluent in non-verbal communication techniques.

Advice! Practice in front of the mirror daily. Read poetry, give a speech, or imagine yourself as a teacher.

This training will help you overcome isolation and feel calm when talking with people.

Exercises for free and easy communication with strangers

Contact a psychologist for help if your close social circle is not growing. But there is a way to help overcome shyness at home.

A little training is the beginning of working on yourself:

1. Monologue out loud. Sit more comfortably, take your favorite children's toy or book. Use your imagination and imagine that the object in your hands is your listener.

   This kind of training is not as simple as it seems. Talk about yourself, about your activities, speak beautifully, in coherent sentences.

   This exercise will help you structure the train of thoughts in your head and correctly express them out loud.

2. Dialogue with a stranger. Talk outside. Ask a passerby how to get to the library, check with the seller about the quality of the goods, ask for advice.

   Meet someone at a cafe or cinema. This training will eliminate the fear of taking the first step.

3. Remember the details. After a dialogue with a stranger, remember what he was wearing, what color his eyes and hair were, what the interlocutor said.

   Develop long-term memory, reproduce a person's face, style and voice in memory. The exercise trains attentiveness.

4. Praise. Give compliments, every person has advantages. Find them and admire them out loud. But be sincere, do not forget that falsehood is easy to recognize.

Advice! Watch your speech. Speak clearly and clearly, without hesitation or stuttering.

Top books and literature

Interested? Find out the details from the book. Researchers of human behavior have published numerous works on psychology.

Check out the best literature, which will help you master communication skills perfectly:

• Eric Burn "Games People Play"
• Dale Carnegie How to Win Friends and Influence People.
• Larry King How to Talk to Anyone, Anytime, Anyhow.
• Sigmund Freud "Psychology of masses and analysis of the human self."
• Karen Pryor "Don't growl at the dog."

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